Responsibility for the Life You Have

“The first step toward having the life you want is taking responsibility for the life you have now.”

Our society has developed a lot of “victims.” Anyone who looks hard enough can find logical reasons for being who and what they are: poor parenting, a traumatic incident, mental illness, disability, situations of abuse, the list goes on and on. I do not want to minimize how these conditions affect the lives of those who experience them; these are not small matters. It takes great courage and perhaps even obstinacy to overcome the tremendous odds against a happy and productive life. That is just my point. Rather than accepting the role of victim, some people have found the necessary courage and determination within themselves to rise above their difficult circumstances.

In recent months, I have read the sad but inspiring true accounts of such individuals: poor parenting (Blue Genes: A Memoir of Loss and Survival), trauma (Amish Grace), mental illness (Izzy & Lenore: Two Dogs, an Unexpected Journey, and Me), disability (Against Medical Advice), abuse (Leaving the Saints), financial ruin and homelessness (Breakfast at Sally’s). These stories show me that it is difficult, but not impossible, to take charge of your life instead of succumbing to self-justification, complaints about the unfairness of life, and accusations against those who have done you wrong.

Many speakers and writers have likened life to a game of cards, where one of the rules is that you have to play the hand you are dealt. In some games, you may be able to draw some other cards, trade a few, or capture someone else’s. Only a poor sport would throw his/her cards down and say, “I don’t like my hand; I’m not going to play.” In one respect, the game analogy for life does hold true: Nobody has control over where he/she starts in life, that is, the circumstances into which one is born and the early events and influences. Nobody has control over later tragedy that can alter life in an instant. He/she must play the hand they have been dealt.

Different from a game is the opportunity life gives to make clear-cut choices. As you gain independence from childhood or from the numbness of trauma, you have a greater degree of self-determination. You can, in fact, say, “I don’t like the hand I’ve been given but I can’t change that. I don’t like what I’ve done with my hand. I’m starting over.”

That choice is not easy, because the difficult circumstances that gave life its rough patch are still there. But having made that choice, begin looking around for help. Ask God for courage and insight. Learn how other people rebuilt their lives. Consider whether professional counsel might benefit you. See if journaling contributes to your progress or whether you can talk with a supportive friend.

Don’t be in a hurry! If you spent years making the life you now have, it may take awhile to build the life you want. But it is there for you!

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com