Years ago I was deeply affected by Eda LeShan’s account of losing a large amount of weight. (Winning the Losing Battle, 1979) As is true with many people, she found the root of this problem in attitudes and ideas she had brought with her from childhood. She finally told the self she had been for almost all her life ("Fat Eda"), “You suffered so much pain and you tried so hard; it has been such a struggle—as far back as memory—the hunger, the desperate efforts at control, the torment of self-consciousness and self-loathing . . . the shame and frustration and disappointment. Thank you, dear friend, for caring so much and finally letting me go. I'll never, ever forget you." And although she was justifiably proud of her achievement, she very literally mourned the loss of someone she once knew.
The Apostle Paul urges us, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” (Romans 12:2) Sometimes changing the way you think means leaving behind someone you have known for a long time—an earlier self. The words of a song come to mind: “I’ve grown accustomed to [your] face.” That person may not have been “bad” at all; there was nothing really wrong with LeShan’s inner self except that she was still just that heartsick little nine-year old girl. Finding that you no longer want to be the person you are accustomed to being can be disheartening until you begin truly to love the new person that is developing.
Erik Kolbell, a psychotherapist and former minister at New York's Riverside Church, has written a fine book, The God of Second Chances. In it, he mentions his admiration for women who have found their way out of abusive relationships. They underwent a major change in their thinking, refusing to tolerate any longer the degradation being heaped on them. They came to understand that they did not have to remain burdened by the pieces of their past or their personality that unwittingly capitulated to abuse. Although their new optimism and self-esteem is cherished, they are not likely to ignore the fact that it was won by a certain kind of “dying,” giving up something of themselves. However unhealthy that earlier self was, it can be painful to say goodbye forever.
The alcoholic, the approval addict, the “control freak,” the compulsive eater or liar or shopper face the same loss—part of the person they once knew has to be left behind. Be gentle with the individual who is constructing a new life pattern. (Even if, or maybe especially if, that person is you!) It is not as easy as just making a New Years’ resolution. Often it is not even part of the decision to receive Jesus Christ as Savior. It may be a part of one’s spiritual growth or it may be a practical, personal determination. In any event, respect the enormous sacrifice of self that he/she (or you) have made to be transformed into a new person.
MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)
Scripture quotation taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.
Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com
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