Whole in One #8: Improving Singleness with More Lively Virtues

I conclude this “singleness” series with the remaining three of the seven “lively virtues.”

♦ Hope. Our hope is in God—period. There is no other reliable source. The Psalmist counseled his own spirit, “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” (Psalm 42:5 NASB) Talk to your heart. Hope ranks right up there with faith and love as life’s most enduring qualities. You can live expectantly even without defining specifically what you are waiting for: Only that God’s goodness be expressed. It is a lie of the devil that there are “hopeless cases.”

♦ Generosity. Being single, especially by circumstance and not by choice, tests your capacity to love selflessly against the most challenging odds. Some well-intentioned people—often those in the family circle or in the church—assume that the single person’s time and money is readily available to them. But being a servant of others does not mean being a slave to their whims. Singles struggle with balance just as much as married people with families; this issue often comes as the question, “Do I dare say ‘No’? I don’t have the excuse of family responsibility.” Single persons do have rights—to privacy, to time alone for reading and reflection and prayer, to opportunities for education, recreation, and esthetic experience. Don’t betray your inner self.

Singles can love inclusively. People are starved for attention and affirmation and non-demanding affection; who better than single persons to become agents of blessing in the Church? Be generous with your loving notice of people; give a gracious compliment now and then. And by the way, don’t stay away from family events—your own kin or the church family. You are not part of an incomplete unit; you may be a one-person unit, but you are a unit! Learn to relate intelligently to people; this may require some purposeful effort. Be such a whole person that you make the people around you “more whole”!

Learn friend-making. Choose some of your friends; don’t always let (or make) people choose you. Be wary of possessiveness, either given or received. To be a real friend is to treat the other person as a unique and wonderful individual, not as an object for your own satisfaction. In becoming a real friend to others, you are apt to find that you are abundantly blessed yourself with a fine set of friends—both men and women—some of whom you will cherish for a lifetime!

And be generous with yourself too. Love yourself and treat yourself with respect. Honestly evaluate your potential, and risk the attempt to come up to that. Give yourself permission to tap the resources of your mind and spirit, and allow yourself a few mistakes while working toward your goals. Don’t minimize your accomplishments: list them, look at them, congratulate yourself for them, thank God for enabling them, celebrate them! You are entitled to the best God has to offer you, all the fun that goes along with making the most of yourself, and all the security that comes from knowing you are okay!

♦ Faith in God. All the other virtues are just so much popular hype if you fail to take God seriously. Faith in God’s reliability and His resourcefulness can often be measured in terms of one’s enthusiasm for living. How can you think of yourself as less than whole if you accept the challenge to take God seriously? He says that Jesus came that we might have life in abundance, and so we do! He says He will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly, and so He has not withheld anything from us! He says we are complete in Him, and so we are!

St Augustine said, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.” To live the single life gracefully is to testify that there is no human love or earthly relationship that fulfills totally. There is more that the human heart seeks, and that more is God. What if we really could be instruments of God’s peace, sowing love where there is hatred, faith where there is doubt, and joy where there is sadness? We can indeed choose to be a benediction on the lives of those around us. Let us not withhold that blessing.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

I no longer know all the sources from which I gleaned helpful thoughts; my apologies to any who may recognize their own words. Please allow me to give you credit. Scripture quotation marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible, used with permission.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Whole in One #7: Improving Singleness with Some Lively Virtues

Few people are born with the traits we find attractive in them. No matter what their marital state, individuals who want to be healthy and whole usually must work at developing characteristics that will lead to that goal. Here are seven “lively virtues”—lively because they are full of life and growing; virtues because they are active, powerful qualities. I will share four of them today, and three more tomorrow.

♦ Purposefulness. A single person can defeat much loneliness or boredom simply by doing what needs to be done! It’s all too easy for the person living alone to get lazy to some degree in the absence of outside pressure to tidy up the house, do the laundry, and keep the refrigerator stocked with something besides Coke and sandwich meat. It’s all too easy to slip into the habit of requiring noise: the TV, radio, CD player, or computer.

Establish purpose in your life by setting and striving toward realistic, meaningful goals—or else, as time goes by, there is nothing to show for it but advanced age and a little accumulated experience! Some people are accustomed to goal-setting as part of life at work or school, but it is a new concept to a lot of people. To them I would say: Develop a plan of action to encourage the growth of your inner self. Decide on some long-term goals too. Seriously and prayerfully, what would you like to do before your life is over? Earn $100,000 a year? Live near the ocean or the mountains? Write a book or learn to play an instrument? Complete your college education? Serve God and the church in some significant way? Determine what steps you will have to take to get you from where you are now to where you want to be, and commit yourself to taking those steps, one at a time

♦ Constancy. This firmness of mind can be described in a number of ways: faithfulness, consistency, dependability, commitment. I don’t have to tell you that this is a Scriptural quality. But we are not born with it, and I’m sorry to tell you that God doesn’t just zap us with it either! It is instilled by training or discipline. Develop firm habits of prayer, Bible-reading, meditating on the Word, attendance at public worship. Try other classic disciplines too as a means of discovering grace (not obtaining grace): Silence, simplicity, fasting, giving, study, journaling, and others.

♦ Honesty. This is openness, guilelessness, candor. The most serious byproduct of dishonestly is that the “game” becomes more real than reality, and then the player himself/herself becomes unable to trust anyone. Honesty takes courage, but to experience others’ acceptance of you as you really are is an important and enormously warming human experience—worth the risk. The acceptance has to come from within yourself first, then from those around you who deserve you at your best—open, sensitive, and genuine.

♦ Sexual Purity. Many people have come to believe that abstinence is just not possible in today’s world. It does appear that the gap between sexual activity and genuine relationship is becoming wider and wider. More of the very young are becoming sexually active, while at the same time, many grownups have intimate relationships but delay marriage in order to finish their education or become established in their careers. Is it asking too much to say, ”Wait for marriage”? God says it is not. And because He invented sex, He gets the last word. Such a stand may seem out-dated and even quaint, but here is His Word on the matter. “There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’ There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for ‘becoming one’ with another.” (I Corinthians 6:15-18) Although any sin is sin in the eyes of God, the effect of sexual sin on our present lives is more serious; it damages in a way that, say, theft or lying or anger, do not.

Delayed gratification is a valuable tool in dealing with all of life, and it works in sexual matters too. It produces purity and no bad memories. No relationship is completely devoid of sexual overtones, so get your sexuality in clear perspective: It is a basic ingredient of being human. Julia Duin, author of Purity Makes the Heart Grow Stronger (1988) and presently the religion editor for the Washington Times, says, “Unlike food, sex can be subjected to a long-term, even permanent fast. . . Abstinence from sex, like abstinence from sugar, results in a disciplined ability to do without it altogether. Abstinence becomes habit.”

This celibacy does not mean you are a sexless creature. You can develop your feminine or masculine energies in other ways, giving you the freedom to have deep friendships with the understanding that they won’t result in actions you will regret. It gives a deeper sense of your own value, knowing that you are worth God’s best, whether that is a mate or God alone. One further thought from Julia: “One major stand Christians can take that will make people stop and take notice of us is our refusal to indulge in casual sex that our secular generation considers to be a moral right.”

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Thanks to Julia for permission to quote from her book. Scripture quotation is taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

A Few of My Favorite Things

Today, Thanksgiving Day in the U.S., I am thankful for these things, and so much more!

Sitting all curled up and warm by a fire;
List’ning to Christmas hymns sung by a choir;
Church bells I hear when my garden chime rings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Birds at the feeder with wings all aflutter;
Fireworks and quilts and warm muffins with butter;
Sailboats and sunsets and butterfly wings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Ripe, red tomatoes I grew by myself,
Rows of my book-friends lined up on the shelf,
Kittens that pounce and play catch with bright strings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

An armful of puppies licking my face;
Sunshine and shadow through curtains of lace,
“The Star-Spangled Banner” when everyone sings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Crisp autumn leaves that crunch under my feet;
Knowing my best friend lives just down the street;
Laughter and happiness each grandchild brings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the car stalls,
When the skirt clings,
When the news is bad,
I try to remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so sad!

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

What Esau Learned about Consequences

I don’t think of Esau in the Bible as a bad man. But on the occasion of losing his birthright to his twin, Jacob, I cannot really see him as a wholly good man either. He was impulsive, ruled by his appetites, and careless about the future. Although God had made it clear to the boys’ mother before their birth that it was His plan to give the younger son the greater heritage, Esau was apparently not aware of this. His actions indicate that he felt the special inheritance was his right, and indeed it was his “birth-right.” He considered that he could do with it as he chose. When he came in, hungry and tired from hunting, he smelled the red lentil stew Jacob was preparing, and asked for some.

Jacob was prepared to bargain. Because Jacob was her favorite, Rebekah may have told him about God’s intention to honor him. If he, rather than Esau, were Isaac’s successor, the future possession of the land of Canaan would be by his children's children. The continuing covenant made with Abraham about Christ the promised Seed would be to his heirs, not Esau’s. Perhaps she had already advised him to deal with his brother about parting with his right if the opportunity were presented. When Esau came in famished, Jacob saw a convenient way to “make God’s will happen.” He would share the stew in exchange for Esau’s rights as the older son, the “birthright” and its inherent blessing of God.

“I am about to die,” Esau exclaimed. “What good would the birthright do me then?” and with oaths of promise he sold it. Did he mean, as any young man might, “I’m starving to death!” Or was he saying, “I’m in danger every day I go out in the field to hunt wild animals. I’m probably not going to live all that much longer.” Or did he think, “The promises made to Abraham are almost certainly a long way off. I will undoubtedly never live to enjoy them. It’s probably wiser to have something in hand today than to trust in what will likely not happen in my lifetime.” Whatever his thoughts were, they led to the irrevocable loss of a place of honor in the family line for hundreds of years afterward. Although it may puzzle us why God would use Esau’s intemperance and Jacob’s scheming (and later his outright deceit) to further the eternal plan, we must learn something from Esau’s experience.

What Esau learned from this experience was that you can make choices—but you cannot choose the consequences that follow. The Scripture says Esau found no place of repentance though he sought it with bitter tears; in other words, there was no way to turn around, no way to change the consequences. “Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God's lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God's blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears.” (Hebrews 12:16, 17)

A young woman driving at high speed chose to evade the police; she did not choose to crash and end up dead, but she is. A man chose a romantic attachment outside marriage; he did not choose to be disgraced, estranged from his family, but he is. Men and women have chosen unwholesome habits for years and years; they did not choose to be broken in health, but they are. We want happy outcomes, but our choices preclude them. We make bad bargains, purchasing a little present ease or pleasure at the expense of greater, long-term benefits.

Watch out for the Esau syndrome!

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Whole in One #6: Affirm Singleness with Gratitude

Be grateful for who you are in Christ! We affirm that race doesn’t matter to God, age doesn’t matter, status doesn’t matter, even gender doesn’t matter. But then we let marital status matter! The Apostle Paul said in regard to “differences”: “Were you Jewish at the time God called you? [i.e. circumcised] Don't try to remove the evidence. Were you non-Jewish at the time of your call? Don't become a Jew. Being Jewish isn't the point. The really important thing is obeying God's call, following his commands.” (I Corinthians 7:18, 19) Loving God, keeping His commandments—that’s what matters. The Scriptures speak of being mature, perfect, entire, whole. Those are words for each of us as individuals, not contingent upon being part of a couple. For however long you are assigned to your position as a single—the rest of this month, or this year and the next, or a lifetime—rejoice that God has made you complete in Him!

It takes a good deal of courage to establish and cling to one’s identity as a single person in a society whose institutions, including churches, are geared heavily toward the family, even though the structure of “family” varies hugely. It takes a good dose of motivation to be self-reliant when one is surrounded by others whose burdens are eased to some degree by interdependency on one another. Single adults must sometimes try harder, persevere longer, cope with more subtle discrimination, exhibit more strength and patience, and establish more impressive credentials in order to reap the same rewards and benefits as their married counterparts.

The desirable traits to be developed as a single person should be evidenced by all Christians, but they are singularly impressive in the life of a single person. It is a special joy, even a wonderment to many, to behold the single who does not suffer from feelings of incompleteness for want of a companion, the single who takes personal action to fill the empty places in life (which practically every person, single or married has!) without bemoaning the failure of others to do it for him or her, the single who is well-rounded, productive, and content. For this kind of single adult, marriage, if it does one day come, is an enrichment of an already meaningful life.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Thanks to Dr. David Jeremiah (Turning Point) for permission to use the outline of his radio sermon on I Corinthians 7 and quotes from his book Core Vales of the Church: Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, Volume 2. Many years ago during an extended period of singleness, these were a great help to me.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

The Gift of Memory

I recently read a strange, and even haunting, little book. It is not new, published fifteen years ago, but it sometimes takes me a while to catch up! In The Giver, author Lois Lowry depicts the young boy Jonas in a community tightly run by Elders who make the decisions governing all. There are no controversies permitted, virtually no choices to be made, and only the shallowest of feelings are expressed. (Even his adolescent Stirrings are extinguished with specially prescribed drugs.) As each youngster becomes a Twelve, he/she is given an appropriate career assignment chosen by the Elders; Jonas is selected for the prestigious position of Receiver of Memory. As he enters the dramatic and rigorous training, Jonas leaves behind his accustomed world of Sameness and learns for the first time about ordinary things like colors, sunshine, snow, and hills. He also learns about hunger, love, war, and death—things that are hidden from the others who have chosen to live without responsibility. These things would be painful or troubling or prone to lead, as love would, to disorder. Only he, and the Giver who currently holds the collective memories of all the community, have access to the books that describe life in the past, “back and back and back,” and in the place called Elsewhere. To my relief, however, the book ends on a courageous, hopeful note.

So I have been pondering for several days the gift of memory. I certainly would not want to give up the remembered delight of my daughter’s first-formed question as I read to her, “Mama, what is barn?” I want to keep the day I graduated from college (at age 49), and the day I bought my first brand-new car. I want to experience again and again staying at the Grand Canyon in a freezing tent camper, and riding a hot air balloon in Washington, and swimming in the Caribbean. I want to hold on to my family members and friends who are no longer living by keeping them in my memory.

Yes, things have happened that brought pain too; would I really wish to forget them? How would I know how to reach out to others who are in distress? I look back at some moments of self-consciousness and embarrassment; should I forget those? How would I know that I could now laugh and say, “Well, you won’t catch me doing that again?” I remember some inappropriate decisions, a few ill-timed endeavors, some honest but flawed attempts. Those were not fun at all, but now that they are held in my memory-bank, I am better and wiser. I would not want those memories to be stored some place where I did not have access to them. I have no doubt that memory is a gift.

God has memory. Again and again in His Word, God tells His people that He will remember them and His promises to them. Made in His likeness, with the ability to remember, memory is one of the things that guides and strengthens us. “He causes us to remember his wonderful works. How gracious and merciful is our Lord!” (Psalm 111:4)

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotation is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Whole in One #5: Activate Singleness for God

Since your single state may very well turn out to be temporary, what can you do for God now that you may not be able to do later? The Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, “I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” (I Corinthians 7:32-35)

Paul was not against marriage. He was just a very smart man, recognizing our human tendency to get wrapped up in whatever we are involved in, whether that is job, home and family, or the Kingdom. A person has only so much time and energy to put into life’s events. If a person has a family, that has to be a priority, but if he or she is serving God with real intensity, there is going to be a problem having time and energy to do it all. Without a marriage and family, that energy can be dedicated to the things of God. During the time you are single, however long that is, you can be totally involved with Him.

I am convinced that one of the most important things an unmarried person can do is to demonstrate to the Church and to the world that it doesn’t take any thing to be happy. Jesus is enough. He really is. During my longest period of singleness, God challenged me to be an example of His sufficiency in the life of a single person. People actually said to me from time to time, with wonder in their voices, “You’re happy, aren’t you?” As if to say, “You crazy lady, why are you so cheerful?” No, it isn’t easy. I cried sometimes with loneliness and frustration just as others have. But I considered it an honor to be entrusted with the responsibility of being an ambassador for the sufficiency of Christ.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Thanks to Dr. David Jeremiah (Turning Point) for permission to use the outline of his radio sermon on I Corinthians 7 and quotes from his book Core Vales of the Church: Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, Volume 2. Many years ago during an extended period of singleness, these were a great help to me.

Scripture quotation is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Two Building Projects

Almost invariably when I drive by the building site of our city’s new arena, I think of the Israelites building their portable sanctuary in the wilderness, the Tabernacle. Of course, the projects are vastly different, but one thought comes clearly to mind as I view the progress. What a lot of different materials and skills it takes to create this building!

I have observed steel fixers, concrete finishers, bricklayers and other masons, heavy equipment operators, structural steel erectors, welders, and today the electricians. I’m sure there have been plumbers as well, and before long there will be carpenters, glass installers, plasterers, painters and decorators. Carpet layers, climate control technicians, and sound equipment specialists will come; commercial furniture suppliers will bring in seating for 15,000 spectators. The two-year building project, costing over 200 million dollars, is about half finished, with over 250 workers on the job seven days a week from dawn until after dark.

In contrast, the Tabernacle seems quite simple. The plan God gave Moses was for a structure forty-five feet long, fifteen feet wide, and fifteen feet high, consisting of gold-covered planks for walls with draperies of various kinds for the doorways and ceilings. Surrounding the Tabernacle was to be an enclosure made of posts and curtains. The instructions were very specific, however; each element was to be made of the finest materials. “This is what God wants you to do,” Moses told the people. “All among you who are willing, bring an offering. Present these gifts to the Lord:

     Gold, silver, and bronze;
     Blue, purple, and scarlet thread;
     Fine linen and goat hair for cloth;
     Tanned ram skins and fine goatskin leather;
     Acacia wood;
     Olive oil for the lamps;
     Spices for the anointing oil and the fragrant incense;
     Onyx stones, and other gemstones to be set in the priest’s garments.

God further told Moses that He had specifically chosen Bezalel from the tribe of Judah to serve as the overseer of the work. “I have filled him with the Spirit of God, giving him great wisdom, ability, and expertise in all kinds of crafts. He is a master craftsman, expert in working with gold, silver, and bronze. He is skilled in engraving and mounting gemstones and in carving wood. He is a master at every craft! . . . Moreover, I have given special skill to all the gifted craftsmen so they can make all the things I have commanded you to make.” These articles included not only the Tabernacle and its court themselves but also the furnishings: the Ark of the Covenant with its covering, the pure gold lampstand, the table for bread, the altars for incense and burnt offerings, the washbasin, the priestly garments, and the anointing oil. (Exodus 31:1-11)

Then those who were able and willing, both men and women, brought their offerings: all the materials needed for the Tabernacle and for the performance of its rituals. They brought gold brooches, earrings, necklaces, rings, and other gold objects of every kind. All who had silver and bronze objects gave them as an offering to the Lord. Those who owned the following items willingly brought them for use in the project: colored threads, fine linen and goat hair for cloth, tanned ram skins and goatskin leather, and acacia wood.

The women who were skilled in sewing and spinning prepared blue, purple, and scarlet thread, and fine linen cloth. Other willing workers spun the goat hair into yarn. The leaders brought onyx stones and the other gemstones to be set in the priest’s garments. They also brought spices and olive oil for the light, the anointing oil, and the fragrant incense. “So the people of Israel—every man and woman who was eager to help in the work the Lord had given them through Moses—brought their gifts and gave them freely to the Lord.” Not only was Bezalel especially gifted, but God gave him two assistants who excelled in the necessary crafts and also had the ability to teach others. The Lord gave them special skills as craftsmen and designers and they led other engravers, designers, weavers, and embroiderers in blue, purple, and scarlet thread on fine linen cloth. The account specifically tells us that those who were called to do the actual construction were not only gifted artisans, but they had been given wisdom and understanding by God. (Exodus 35:21-35)

I can’t even imagine what might have happened if I had gone down to the local construction site, taking a couple of my gold rings, some red and blue yarn I have been saving for a yet-to-be-determined project, and a bottle of scented bath oil! And even more ludicrous, what if I had claimed superior talent or wisdom for raising the five-level building! The task ahead of the Israelites may have seemed just as enormous and intimidating to them as the prospect of my assisting at the arena, given that they were desert wanderers. They lacked modern power tools; they had no scaffolding or lifts. They weren’t even paid! But with willing hearts, sacrificial gifts, and readiness to work they created a sanctuary for the Lord God, one that they would carry with them until they built more permanent places of worship in the Promised Land.

I think of those early builders when I drive by our developing arena, and I am thankful that their story is recorded for me to read and ponder.

Related article: Building by the Pattern here

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Tell

Because of its relevance to women in particular, I have moved this post to my blog, "Claiming Our Selves," written especially for women. I invite you to read it here.

MaryMartha

Whole in One #4: Allow Singleness for Growth

When the Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, he addressed several problems. One seemed to be, “Now that I’m a follower of Christ, all my relationships are upside down. What am I supposed to do?” His letter said, “Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married.” (I Corinthians 7:26, 27) In other words, his response was, “Just hold steady.”

What was the present crisis? Christians often suffered for their belief; they were persecuted and Paul perhaps felt it was easier to endure such pressure yourself than to see your loved ones facing it. In those times people believed, even more than they do now, that Jesus was returning at any moment. Why be encumbered with a family? “The time is short,” Paul told these Christians, “so everyone needs to love and minister to everyone else.” He was not opposed to marriage, but he didn’t see it as a prerequisite for advancing the cause of Christ.

It’s easy for those who are not married simply to follow the course of what everyone else seems to be doing—getting married. Especially as a few years go by, the single person may begin to focus more and more on finding someone to marry. This is a dangerous thing! “There are a thousand things worse than being single,” a wise college professor told my class of relational studies students. “Nine hundred ninety-nine are being married to the wrong person,” one who doesn’t share your passion and commitment. Someone who is consumed with the idea of finding a companion is not in the best position to recognize “the right person”; instead one should let the experience of singleness be a time of growth, concentrating on being the person God has intended.

One of the fears of singles is, “If I’m happy and contented as a single, no one will know that I really want to marry!” Fear not! No one is born with the traits we find attractive in people: purpose and faithfulness, contentment, honesty, purity and generosity. It is quite impossible to have too much of these for our own good! Develop good stuff in your life. If God intends marriage for you, you will discover that. If it does not come as part of His unfolding plan, your search for someone to marry is not going to add to the quality of your life in any worthwhile way!

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Thanks to Dr. David Jeremiah (Turning Point) for permission to use the outline of his radio sermon on I Corinthians 7 and quotes from his book Core Vales of the Church: Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, Volume 2. Many years ago during an extended period of singleness, these were a great help to me.

Scripture quotation taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

I Didn't Know

I was in training, once, for a new position which was extremely detailed. It would have been impossible for my supervisor to outline for me every possible variation of the tasks I was to perform. We covered the basics, and then I was entrusted with the responsibility of carrying through on the job. Much of the work, though dissimilar from one hour to the next, soon became an enjoyable routine and only occasionally did I encounter anything that was very different from what I had previously handled.

One day I was given one of those “variations on the theme.” It’s pretty much like what I’ve done before, I said to myself. A little different, but not too much. It’s almost, not quite, like yesterday’s assignment, or last week’s. I think I can do this. And so I didn’t ask. Using my best judgment seemed to have worked—for awhile. It was about two weeks before the job came back to my desk. Without being unkind at all, the supervisor simply explained, “This is how we want it. Please do it over.”

Well, I thought, I just didn’t know. But then, why didn’t I see that this particular job was different? I didn’t know . . . Well, you should have known. Or at least you should have asked . . . I didn’t ask because I didn’t even know that I didn’t know! Now realize, no one had scolded me, reproved me, or even criticized the job. Here I was, arguing with myself!

I have called myself lots of unflattering things for some of the serious mistakes I’ve made in my lifetime. “Stupid.” “Ignorant.” “Dumb.” “Blind.”
And only slightly less maligning: “Gullible.” 'Deceivable.” “Unsophisticated.” “Naïve.” The day I corrected my mistake on the job, I realized that I had often had the same argument with myself about these major issues. “I didn’t know. Maybe I could have known, should have known, but the fact remains, I didn’t. And I didn’t even know that I didn’t know!

Unfortunately, there are no “do-overs” in life as there are on the job. Still, it is empowering to realize that now we see light where before there was darkness. Over two thousand years ago, a Roman statesman-philosopher and great orator said, “I am not ashamed to confess that I am ignorant of what I do not know.” (Marcus Tullius Cicero, “Tusculan Disputations”) It’s as simple as that. We don’t know everything. Some things that we learn, we learn too late. Sometimes we even make the same mistake more than once because we cruise along life’s highway unaware of the danger in our “blind spot.”

We are often quick to condemn error, our own or others’, on the basis of “Ignorance is no excuse,” which is, in fact, a misquote. "Ignorance of the law does not excuse," is a principle in jurisprudence that one is bound by the public law of the jurisdiction in which he conducts himself, even if he has not made himself aware of it. (So that’s why I got a speeding ticket the other day!) Should we take this old Roman legal concept and apply it to our daily lives, particularly if we are making sincere efforts to live righteously? I think not. I am suggesting that we be a little more forgiving of ourselves and of others for the things we simply didn’t know at the crucial time.

Related article:
What If I Make a Mistake? here

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

A Fat Soul

Americans may well be the fattest people in the world—not every American, of course, but a great many compared with other nations. We worry about our weight, we make attempts to control it, we spend huge sums to lose it. (Statistics vary from 43.4 to 65 billion dollars spent in the weight loss industry last year!)

Too little attention is given to having fat where it counts—in the soul! What is a fat soul? One that is blessed, enriched, full, content. And what makes souls fat and flourishing? Here are a few things:

Diligence: “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the soul of the diligent is made fat.” (Proverbs 13:4 NASB)

Generosity: “The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.” (Proverbs 11:25 KJV)

Worship: “Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.” (Psalm 63:5 NASB)

There are a few people around who have shriveled souls, no fat at all. Things don’t shrivel up just because they are old. Wrinkled prunes are not necessarily old; they are dried. People with wrinkles are not always old, but sometimes the skin and underlying tissues have been damaged. And wrinkled souls can be of any age; they have lost their “moisture” and “elasticity” and are dry or damaged. One remarkable Scripture tells us about skinny souls.

Speaking of the Israelites who had to wander in the desert region for forty years, the Scripture relates, “They soon forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, but lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tested God in the desert. And He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul.” (Psalm 106:13-15 NKJV) So we must add to the list of fat-producing qualities —

Yieldedness: “Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in abundance.” (Isaiah 55:2 NKJV)

So while you may be thinking about monitoring your weight during the approaching holiday season, give some thought to adding fat to your soul!

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scriptures marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, courtesy of the Lockman Foundation. Scripture quotation marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible, public domain. Scriptures marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Things Mama Taught Me: "Is It True . . . Kind . . . Necessary?"

There are many versions of these tests for words we speak, attributed to a variety of speakers: Ann Landers, for one, and Eleanor Roosevelt, the Rotary Club, a guru named Sai Baba, and a very old poem before any of those other possible sources existed. But this is the one I heard my mother often repeat, and she probably heard it from her mother.

First of all, is what I am about to say true? Mama was super-conscientious about telling the truth. (Maybe that’s why she never said very much!) The rationale for that is very clear. Her Bible—the King James Version, of course. Proverbs 12:22 says, “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.” In Ephesians 4:25, she read, “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man [every person] truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.” The ultimate rule was one of the Ten: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.” (Exodus 20:16) We could take this to mean only giving false testimony in court, but Bible scholars do not see it that way. One of them writes, “[This] commandment concerns our own and our neighbour's good name. This forbids speaking falsely on any matter, lying, equivocating, and any way devising or designing to deceive our neighbour. Speaking unjustly against our neighbour, to hurt his reputation. Bearing false witness against him, or in common conversation slandering, backbiting, and tale-bearing; making what is done amiss worse than it is, and in any way endeavouring to raise our reputation upon the ruin of our neighbour's. (Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary) The test can be interpreted then by asking, “Am I intending to deceive?

Next, is what I am about to say kind? There are many things one could say which would be absolutely true, but are best voiced with the greatest care or even left unsaid. “That dress makes you look really fat!” “You’re not studying hard enough. You can do better than a B!” “You’d better get out and wash the car; it looks dreadful!” Mama didn’t speak words like these. Again she had the Scripture as her guide. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) And she read in Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” A word of explanation about “salt” in that last verse: Grace is the “salt” which seasons our conversation, and keeps it from being corrupt. Though our speaking will not always be about grace, yet it must always be with grace. Even the ordinary should be spoken of in a Christian manner.

Last, is what I am about to say necessary? I would qualify the word necessary a bit to say “helpful,” “beneficial,” or the Scriptural term, “edifying.” Mama knew the world could do with less banal chatter, and so she didn’t add much of it. It isn’t wise to say meaningless things just so there’s no dead air (a radio term meaning unexpected silence, sometimes caused because the broadcaster has run out of intelligent things to say). Now here’s an interesting Scripture! “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” (Proverbs 17:28) That may be where Mark Twain got this piece of advice, "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Another verse in Proverbs says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” (25:11) The Apostle Paul wrote, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29) If it serves no good purpose, it’s best to leave it unsaid.

These are very stringent tests, aren’t they? Maybe our speaking is not going to meet them all the time, but certainly, these little “guards” at the gate of our lips can help us be more aware of the words we let pass through. “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.” (From Mama’s Bible, Psalm 19:14)

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Plodding Wins the Race

A take on Aesop’s fable, “The Tortoise and the Hare":

One day a young person was boasting to his friends about his magnificent plans for Christian ministry. He would travel worldwide; throngs of people would come to hear him preach. He would have radio and TV programs; he would write books. He would have a state-of-the-art website. His name would become a household word, synonymous with evangelism, missionary zeal, and relief efforts to the needy. And the money would pour in.

In the same church was a little elderly lady whose sole income was her monthly government check. She had served many years in various capacities: a children’s Sunday School teacher, a maker of cookies for the youth bake sale, a seamstress of Christmas play costumes, sacrificial contributor to missionary offerings. And she prayed a lot. That was mostly all she could do now that she could not see and hear very well.

Occasionally the young man, now a little older and somewhat weary, would return to his home church and tell of his accomplishments. The little lady didn’t have a great deal to show for her efforts except faithful Christians she had taught as youngsters, and a whole generation of young parents who knew she cared about them, and a scrapbook full of letters from missionaries. But she persisted in her faithful prayers

After a number of years went by, the flaming preacher-evangelist-missionary-writer-TV personality-webmaster “burned out.” His family had suffered from his inattention; now it was time to tend to their needs. He grew tired of traveling. He ran out of things to say on his broadcasts; he didn’t produce any new books. His website languished. Finally, he took a secular job “just for a year,” and soon it was three years and then five. Usually he attended worship services, but not at his home church—too embarrassing. He didn’t quit God, but he practically quit the race. Meanwhile, the little lady kept on praying.

One day a missionary speaker came who told of a perilous situation from which they had a miraculous deliverance. When they mentioned the date of that experience, the little lady said to herself, “Ah! That’s the night I was awakened to pray for that missionary family. Thank you, Jesus!” One day she got a letter from a wayward grandson. “Guess what, Grandma! I’ve been saved!” She said out loud, “At last! Oh, thank you, Jesus!” Another time, a young mother in the congregation, dangerously ill during her pregnancy, recovered fully and delivered a healthy baby. “Oh, thank you, dear Jesus!” the little lady whispered to herself. Until she died, she kept praying. She never once thought the race was too hard or too long or too hopeless. She never quit.

So who really won?

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Whole in One #3: Accept Singleness As a Gift

To be single is a special gift from God. You may find that hard to believe—I did—until I assure you that marriage too is a special gift from God. Whether we like it or not, this is the Biblical position. When this truth first came to me as a long-term single, I said, “But God, it sure doesn’t look like a gift to me!” It was not some cruel accident that there had not been the “right one” for me; it was a gift, but it took me quite a while to accept it. (It’s worthy of note that usually the people who tell us that singleness is a gift are married themselves! What are they saying? “Just be happy, you poor thing!” Or maybe, “I should be so lucky.” Interesting thought!)

Sometimes God gives the gift of being married, and sometimes He gives the gift of being single. Both are gifts: endowments and grace in our lives. If you have been single a long time, you know that it takes grace. If you have married a long time, you know that it takes grace! The Apostle Paul wrote, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” (I Corinthians 7:7 MSG) The Living Bible paraphrases that verse, “God gives some the gift of a husband or wife, and others He gives the gift of being able to stay happily unmarried.” I appreciate the emphasis that version gives to being happy; neither state is intended for our sorrow.

Jesus too taught that the ability to remain single is a gift from God. “[Marriage] requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons.” (Matthew 19:11-12 MSG) Other translations state, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.”

David Brainerd was single, Amy Carmichael and Mother Teresa were single—powerful influences for God. Robert Murray McCheyne was a Scot of deep prayer and piety, a preacher, pastor and poet, and a lasting influence on evangelical Christianity. He too was single. Could these men and women have been as effective had they been concerned about spouses and children? Dr. John R. W. Stott, called by Billy Graham “the most respected clergyman in the world today,” has influenced countless thousands with his prolific authorship; he himself acknowledges that with the responsibility of a family he could not have written, traveled and ministered as he has. Henrietta Mears, a powerful force in Christian publishing, has led some very influential men and women to Jesus Christ. “There probably wasn’t a man alive who was capable of marrying Henrietta without stifling her creativity, so God kept her single,” and she shook her world, writes Dr. David Jeremiah. There are, as well, a number of men and women who created traumatic lives for their families who might have done better to remain single as they endured the hardships encountered in their work for God.

If you are in a season of singleness, accept it as a gift. In a special way, at least for now, you are a gift to the world in which you live.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)



Thanks to Dr. David Jeremiah (Turning Point) for permission to use the outline of his radio sermon on I Corinthians 7 and quotes from his book Core Vales of the Church: Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, Volume 2. Many years ago during an extended period of singleness, these were a great help to me.

Scriptures marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Is There a Reason for Everything?

A fresh grave. A handicapped child. A fire, flood, or tornado.

When the sad or tragic occurs, would-be comforters and sometimes the grieving persons themselves may seek consolation in the words, “Everything happens for a reason.” Perhaps we acquired this thinking when we were only a few years old, asking our parents “Why?” until they wearied of our questions and answered, “Because I said so,” or even “Just because.” We may have studied Newton’s laws in our science class, learning that “for every action, there is an equal reaction,” and supposed that if we searched hard enough we could figure out the cause of any circumstance—but finally had to admit, “I don’t understand.” Sadly, sometimes Christians use “the will of God” as a convenient catch phrase for the unexplainable: “I guess it was just God’s will.”

No, no, no. There is not a plausible reason for everything. It is useless in some situations to search for a reason. There is not a way to prevent every sad event. We live in a broken world, in a society crippled by centuries of hereditary sinning. Bad things do happen. Tragedies do occur. Argue as we may, “But if he—she—I—had only . . .” that would not have ensured a different outcome. Many people have done just what he, she, or I have done and the same terrible thing did not happen.

There is, however, potential purpose in everything. Whether or not I find that purpose is not entirely up to me; understanding may come soon, it may come late, or it may not come at all. But whether or not I embrace the purpose is up to me. “I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) Do I believe that? With all my heart. God loves me, and desires relationship with me. He is not going to harm me. Life may beat me up with its disappointments and sorrows, but I do not have to question, “How could this be happening to me?” or search for “What have I done wrong?” In time, it will all be plain. Or not. It is that last part that is so difficult because we do not like not knowing and not understanding.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until the day of his return.” (II Timothy 1:12 NLT) At the time, Paul was in prison, entrusting whatever it was he was feeling into God’s keeping. I too can entrust to God my sorrow, confusion, hurt, and the questions for which there are no answers. He does not say to me, “Just because.” He does not say, “Think hard and you’ll come up with the reason.” He doesn’t even say, “It was just my will.” He says, “Trust Me. I understand your pain.”

Related articles:
What Job Learned about Reasons here
Is It God’s Will? here

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotation marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotation marked NLT is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

I Will Remember

This morning—Veterans Day in the U.S.—I drove, as an exercise in grateful reflection, through several local cemeteries. In one park-like setting, the grave markers are all marble tablets, laid in rows. A great many have flowers alongside, placed there by some friend or family member. There are flags too, denoting the sites of those who had served in the military. I knew that doubtless some of these men and women had given their lives in that service, and I asked God to comfort those who loved them. I will remember.

One of the cemeteries I visited is very old. By way of contrast, some of the grave monuments there are truly monumental; many are three or four feet tall, a few I estimated at more than six feet. There are quite a number of benches, and even a few small structures, privately built. Obviously, great effort was given to honoring the departed. But noticeably absent on this day of remembrance were the flowers and flags. “Why?” I wondered.

Perhaps, because they died so long ago, their friends and families too are gone. The younger generations have moved away, never even knowing their ancestors who fought for them in the two World Wars. And while the grounds are well-kept by those who have pledged perpetual care, there are few personal memories in evidence. Then I will remember.

In 1897, Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem for Queen Victoria’s Diamond Jubilee. The words, “Lest we forget,” form the refrain of each verse. Some years later, following “The Great War,” the phrase became linked with Remembrance Day observations, becoming a plea not to forget the sacrifices of those who had fought for freedom. So I will remember.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Tears

The mourning clouds hung low beneath
A dull and somber sky
And, weeping, mixed their tears with yours
The day you said good-bye.

“It’s raining now,” somebody said,
And though it so appears,
With angels singing, “Welcome home,”
Some kissed you with their tears.

Know this: The Man of Sorrows feels
The crushing of your loss.
Lift up your head; the drops you feel
Are falling from the Cross.

MaryMartha - For my dear friend
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Growing Straight and Tall

I love a bargain, so when I found, at just a fraction of the regular price, the right tree for a certain spot in my front yard, I was pretty pleased with myself! This amur maple will flower in the spring, have interesting seeds, and display scarlet foliage in the fall. It won’t grow too tall, and more importantly, it won’t get very wide. It must be the perfect tree!

Except for one thing: It had a decided bow in its slender trunk. “No problem,” the nurseryman assured me. “You’ll need to stake it, and it will be fine.” I planted it carefully, just as instructed. I watered it faithfully. But I put off staking it, and after awhile winter came. It was too cold and the ground was frozen. Spring came, and I didn’t stake the tree because I was too busy. Then summer came, and I didn’t do it because it was too hot. Another fall, another winter, and finally another spring.

“I have this little maple tree,” I told a friend who stakes trees as part of her job. “Well, actually, it’s not so little any more, but it’s bent and it needs to be staked.”

So Joan came and took care of my tree, telling me to leave it staked until the next summer. For over a year the tree had wires pulling it in balanced directions. It didn’t look to me like the tree was standing much straighter, and sure enough, when I cut the wires and pulled up the stakes, it was still bowed.

“This won’t do,” I thought, and so I looked at the staking kits available at the garden shop. I talked to the nurseryman--a different one--about my crooked tree.

“When did you plant it?” he asked.

“Three years ago, in the fall.”

“It’s too late,” he said. “Staking it now won’t help. The top will tend to straighten as it grows taller, but it will always keep the bow in its trunk. That will just give it character,” he added with a smile.

Some of us have a quite a lot of that kind of “character,” don’t we! We bent in certain ways as we formed our habits and lifestyles, and it is easier just to keep our accustomed attitudes and behaviors. But remember that the grace of God, appropriated by our earnest intention, can alter the display of our life. We may still have the bent place from our early formation, but it is possible for us in later years to grow straight and tall.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Whole in One #2: Acknowledge Singleness As Good

Say what??? Yes, when I first heard, “Accept Singleness as Good,” I too said to myself, No way!

You may be lonely, bored, frustrated or restless—forgetting that you have remarkable freedom in many areas. Freedom from many constraints on time, freedom to choose a simple lifestyle, freedom to focus on the things that are important to you, freedom to develop friendships and interests, freedom to serve God without distraction. Would it help you to know that some of your married friends envy your freedom!

Single women can have pink sheets on the bed if they want to! Fellows can leave the seat up all the time! Either can have chocolate cake for breakfast and adjust the thermostat to the perfect level and roll the bathroom tissue the “right” way. (I am only partly joking.) But seriously, we need to look at what the Scripture has to say.

Several times in I Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul assures us that single living is, in fact, good. Verse 1 says, “It is good for a man not to marry.” (NIV) We read in verse 8, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” (NIV) And verse 26 urges, “Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are.” (MSG) He further adds in verse 35, “I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” (NLT) Your singleness, and mine, is an advantage allowing you personally to choose the focus of your energies. It can be used in wonderful ways for your own benefit and it can be profitable for the Kingdom as well. Most of all, your love and loyalty can bring joy to the heart of the Lord.

“God sees your singleness as a positive, not a negative. You are not second class, nor are you something less than [is] a married Christian. Christ was single. Paul may have been married at one time, but it certainly sounds like he was single when he wrote this letter. Being single allows you to focus your life completely on God. Accept singleness as being something good.”

More thoughts next time.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Thanks to Dr. David Jeremiah (Turning Point) for permission to use the outline of his radio sermon on I Corinthians 7 and quotes from his book Core Vales of the Church: Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, Volume 2. Many years ago during an extended period of singleness, these were a great help to me.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture marked MSG taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotation marked NLT is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Building by the Pattern

Almost daily I drive by the location where a large arena is being constructed in my hometown. Posted around the work site are architect’s renderings of how the new building will look when it is finally finished. The unique shape of the roof has begun to appear the last couple of days, so that I can see now what will become part of our city’s skyline. I drove by today and thought, “Why, it looks just like the picture!”

And my next thought was, “Well, DUH!”

A team of skilled designers created in their minds a plan for the arena and then demonstrated it to the decision-makers. Others with the ability to read blueprints and to coordinate the construction workers were assigned their jobs. Day by day the work crew follows precisely the orders of their foremen who get their orders from the instructions that were given to them. They are building according to the pattern.

All of us are building—lives, families, careers. I am not one who believes that God has everything all planned and we are destined to follow that plan, robot-like. Nor do I think that He has so scripted our lives that we must live very cautiously lest we somehow miss the plan. Unlike the builders who follow a detailed blueprint, we have been given the privilege of being part of the design team! The Bible is our source of Divine principles for living, but we won’t find there what plumbing company to call. The Holy Spirit is here to guide us, but He isn’t likely to instruct us on whether to order fish or chicken. The pattern we follow is the life of Jesus Christ, not slavishly asking, “Oh dear, what would Jesus do?” but freely seeking to follow His way of love and service.

(You may want to read an earlier post somewhat along the same line, “No Formulas.” Click here.)

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

I See the Moon

A couple of nights ago I observed the waxing crescent moon high in the sky shortly after sunset. I was thrilled again, as I always am, really to see that illuminated heavenly body. Until a few years ago, I had admired the golden object that I’ve seen ever since I was a child, but it never did inspire the rhapsodic description that a friend was then giving me. “Yes, yes, I see it,” I said, and then in one incredible moment, I did really see it. The moon was no longer just a shiny crescent with a faint outline completing the circle, but a huge ball suspended in the sky. I was enthralled! In all my life, I had never before seen our moon as the sphere that it is, sunshine creeping over one rounded edge while faint earthshine barely lights the rest of the surface. The third dimension suddenly was visible to me. Perhaps everyone sees it, but I had not until that magical moment. When in its particular phases, the moon appears to me now not as a disk, beautiful but as flat as a coin. It is a full-orbed wonder in the night sky, and I am filled with awe.

No wonder the Psalmist wrote, “When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—the moon and the stars you set in place—what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? (Psalm 8:3, 4) What an awesome creation! What an awesome God!

I see the moon, and the moon sees me.
God bless the moon, and God bless me.
- by an unknown author

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotation is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Prayers for Our Nation

Many prayers have been written for our nation, among them petitions by Billy Graham, Chuck Swindoll, and Ravi Zacharias as well as ordinary citizens of our land. I think none are more expressive than those in some of our early patriotic hymns. They seem as fitting for Election Day, 2008, as they did over a century ago.

Some lines from “America the Beautiful” by Katharine Lee Bates, the first draft of which was hastily jotted in a notebook upon seeing “the wonder of America . . . [a] sea-like expanse” from the top of Pikes Peak. The words first appeared in a weekly journal for Independence Day, 1895.

America! America!

God shed His grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

America! America!

God mend thine ev'ry flaw,

Confirm thy soul in self-control,

Thy liberty in law.

America! America!

May God thy gold refine

Till all success be nobleness,

And ev'ry gain divine.

A verse of “America” by Samuel Francis Smith, written while a student at the theological seminary in Andover, Massachusetts. He completed the lyrics in thirty minutes, setting them to the melody in Muzio Clementi's Symphony No. 3. The song was first performed in public on July 4, 1831, at a children's Independence Day celebration at Park Street Church in Boston.

Our father's God to Thee,
Author of liberty,
To Thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright
With freedom's holy light;
Protect us by Thy might,
Great God, our King!

The words of “God of Our Fathers” by Daniel C. Roberts, written in 1876 for a cel­e­bra­tion of the Cen­ten­n­i­al Fourth of July at Bran­don, Ver­mont. George W. Warren composed the tune we presently use for the cen­ten­ni­al cel­e­bra­tion of the Unit­ed States Con­sti­tu­tion in 1888.

God of our fathers, whose almighty hand

Leads forth in beauty all the starry band

Of shining worlds in splendor through the skies,

Our grateful songs before Thy throne arise.

Thy love divine hath led us in the past,

In this free land by Thee our lot is cast;

Be Thou our Ruler, Guardian, Guide and Stay,

Thy Word our law, Thy paths our chosen way.

Refresh Thy people on their toilsome way,

Lead us from night to never ending day;

Fill all our lives with love and grace divine,

And glory, laud, and praise be ever Thine

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

What Miss T Eats

I had the most interesting reading books when I was a youngster! I remember still the poem, “Miss T.”

It's a very odd thing—
As odd as can be—
That whatever Miss T eats
Turns into Miss T.

Walter de la Mare (1873 - 1956)
British poet and novelist, from Peacock Pie, A Book of Rhymes, 1913

I’m sure the point was for us young readers to realize that what we ingested—fruits and vegetables, milk, and meat or candy, ice cream, and popcorn—would make a difference in our health. A verse I read today in Proverbs reminded me of Miss T. “Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.” (Proverbs 26:22 NLT) Other translations call the dainty bites “choice morsels” or “tasty trifles” and in addition to rumors include gossip, tale bearing, and whispering (in the sense of insinuating). Isn’t it interesting that what goes into our mouths goes into muscle and bone building and other body functions, while what goes in our ears goes to our inmost being!

Words that we speak are powerful things. “Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21 MSG) The same is true of the words to which we listen. We are probably all exposed to things we would rather not hear, but we do have a lot of discretion—more perhaps, than we usually exercise—about what we choose to hear.

It’s a very odd thing—
Very odd, I should say—
That what Miss (or Mr. or Mrs.) J hears
Turns into Miss J. --MM

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotation marked NLT is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved. Scripture marked MSG is taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Whole in One #1: Addressing Singleness

I have been single for most of my adult life—the better part of forty years, in several different time frames—so it seems natural for me to share some of my thoughts. Over the next few weeks, I will be writing on that topic from time to time.

Despite the flood of media-hyped misconceptions to the contrary, single Christian adults—just like everyone else—yearn to discover a way of life that will not only fulfill their own needs but will also validate their place in the church and in the general culture. There is incredibly strong pressure to marry, as true in the church as anywhere else. To many people, including some singles themselves, being single represents an incomplete, less-than-optimum, condition—a failure to develop normally as a human being.

The Scripture does not agree with that perspective. Although God said, “It isn’t good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper and companion for him,” that does not constitute a mandate for marriage. Such a misconception would imply that Adam, created in God’s own image, was nevertheless deficient until Eve appeared on the scene. It might even suggest that Jesus Himself was somehow incomplete, since He was single! God relates to people as individuals, not as half of a couple. At best, marriage is only a temporary part of human existence, as Jesus said there will not be marrying or giving in marriage of resurrected believers.

The reasons for anyone’s singleness are, as is every other factor of life, quite complex. One may be single because of:

My own choices, both the good and the not-so-wise. The network of a hundred decisions, a thousand small choices, have fitted together to make my “now.” But I will remember always, “It is God who works in [me] to will and to act according to his good purpose,” and “In all thing God works for the good of those who love Him.”(Philippians 2:13; Romans 8:28 NIV) God is in the business of redemption, “buying back.”

Someone else’s decisions, perhaps even mistaken and cruel. Some of the factors of my singleness may be beyond my own decisions, other people’s actions having determined some of my own opportunities. These I can entrust to God, saying, “The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6 NLT)

Circumstances beyond my control. When something as major as singleness happens in someone’s life, you can be sure it not just by happenstance. If I carefully reflect on the events that led to my singleness, I may discover directives for the future that I would not have found otherwise. I will rest in His providence. The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation . . . I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13 NIV)

An accident. Even so, God is here. Would the God who has numbered the very hairs of my head let me stumble about in the dark, trying to find my own way? “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

A temporary condition that will change eventually. “My times are in your hands,” and I will “be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” (Psalm 31:15; 37:7 NIV)

A problem that needs correcting. The past does not always predict the future. Perhaps the past had fear or selfishness as the motivation, or there were other limitations either self-imposed or other-imposed. There can be good growing and changing ahead as I see my single self more clearly. Whatever the future is, the Lord says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” II Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

The calling of God for my life or for a portion of it. Singleness is right and good for those individuals for whom it is indeed right and good. The Apostle Paul wrote, “I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” (I Corinthians 7: 35 NLT)

A gift. Paul again wrote, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” (I Corinthians 7:7 MSG)

Until next time,
MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved. Scripture quotation marked MSG is taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com