Off the Hook

Not long ago, I was trying to communicate online with a customer service rep about my account. "You'll find that information in the notes on the page," he e-mailed me.

I couldn't see any notes.

"On the left side of the page."

I still couldn't see any notes.

We finally figured out that although we were both reading my record, we were literally not on the same page. "Okay," he wrote in closing. "I'll let you off the hook . . ."

I wasn't offended, having dealt satisfactorily with this firm for a long time, but I was surprised. Was I on some kind of hook? What hook would that be, anyway? Was I supposed to be feeling embarrassed or guilty? The incident provoked me to think further about some social "hooks."

Children catch each other on hooks all the time. "I know something you don't know!" they call in a sing-song taunt. Or, accompanying an exaggerated sorrowful shaking of the head, they say, "N-n-n-n-n, you're in
tro-u-ble . . ." Or "You're just the teacher's pet."

Adults tend to be more subtle, or shall I say "less honest"? An adult may complain about some difficulty, then sigh and say, "But then I can't expect you to care about my troubles." "You got a new car? Some people are just lucky." Or even, "If you don't know what's wrong, I'm sure not going to tell you."

Do you see the hooks? Sometimes without thinking, but just as often with calculated purpose and predictable results, other people throw out bait that would hook us into feeling ignorant, threatened, unfairly favored, selfish and uncaring, guilty, or just plain stupid. If we bite the bait, we end up taking responsibility for their happiness or success.

"Off the hook" brings to my mind a fisherman releasing his catch, literally letting the fish off the hook. When I looked up the phrase in a dictionary of American slang, I found that was indeed the description: not holding another person to their error, failure, or offense just as one would free a fish from the hook on which it has been caught.

I don't think we can wait for other people to let us off the hook. We would be wiser not to take the bait in the first place. And for sure, let's not be guilty of manipulating others into tending to our own personal agenda by any less-than-honest implications.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com