Things Mama Taught Me: "Shame on You"

A great many of the things my mother taught me by precept and example are great lessons for living life well. But she missed it on a few lessons and this is one of them.

I am absolutely convinced that mistakes made in my upbringing were simply that—mistakes, not lack of love. I was raised by my mother and father, with input by teachers and church men and women and various aunts and uncles, in much the same way they were raised by their parents, teachers, and so on. We lived in a culture and in a time period where children and adults alike were controlled to a large extent by being made to feel ashamed. Most of all, we learned that we were shameful creatures before God.

The causes of shame were many, ranging from really bad things that one could not even discuss to just not being "nice," however that was defined in the family. Sometimes the shame came, not from the outside at all but from within, about things for which I was not even responsible—someone else's behavior or circumstances I could not help. I could not please people; some (not my mother) gestured "Shame on you," by pointing at me and rubbing their pointing finger with the index finger of the opposite hand two or three times. (I wonder if this implies, "I am rubbing all this nastiness onto you; none of it belongs to me"?) I could not even please myself, I was so intent on "perfection." How, then, could I expect to please God? Shame on me.

I feel quite sure there are many individuals who, just like me, were shaped by years of quiet shame. We each have a right to our past and can own it without apology. We must refuse to sink into "meta-shame," that is, being ashamed of our shame! But I say to all of us what someone said to me when I was well into my adult years. I admitted my feelings of shame, and I will never forget the words that friend spoke before praying with me. "There is no shame at the Cross."

No shame at the Cross? That's because Jesus was bearing it all. Think about it:

Hauled before religious and civil authorities for six (illegal) trials
Mocked as soldiers pretended He was their king
Unable, in His weakened condition, to carry the cross
Hung for everyone to look at, probably naked
Ridiculed because He refused to do anything to save Himself
Executed like a criminal, with criminals
And finally, feeling abandoned by God.

A verse of Phillip Bliss's hymn, "Man of Sorrows," reads,

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood:
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

"Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame." (Hebrews 12:2) To our own sorrow, we too often endure the shame, disregarding the cross.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotation taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com