But what if I'm not sorry? Or what if I'm sorry only that my action was discovered? That made no difference to my mother. She knew that the humbling process of apologizing was a step toward genuine sorrow, especially if accompanied by corrective measures so that I didn't care to repeat it! Action often has to precede emotion; if I say "sorry" and act out "sorry," the chances are good that I will eventually feel sorry as well.
Wouldn't it have been nice if, as a child, I had had a PR person following me around, declaring, "She didn't really mean that. What she intended to say was . . ." On a regular basis, we hear leaders in politics, religion, and business offering their sort-of apologies: "I'm sorry you misunderstood . . . " "A lot of people were hurt . . . " "I did not intend to . . . " Do you ever get the feeling that given the same opportunity but with the assurance that this time they could avoid being caught, the offenders would probably repeat their action? Whatever happened to "I was wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me and I'll never do this again"? As documented by primatologists, even chimpanzees have reconciliation protocols, which sometimes look a lot like handshaking. Obviously, they had mothers who taught them to say, "I'm sorry."
The horror of many a crime or tragic accident is mitigated by the genuine remorse the offender demonstrates. Even judges are not immune to the presence—or absence—of authentic regret. For those who have suffered loss, sometimes the closure afforded by seeing the sorrow of the one who caused their grief is as important as the sentence handed down by the court. Too often they are denied that relief by someone who is not even sorry for the pain they have created.
"For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death." (II Corinthians 7:10) Saying "I'm sorry" when we're wrong is good for us.
MaryMartha
You may want to read the post Never Saying "Sorry." Click on the title.
Scripture quotation is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.
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