Things Mama Taught Me: "Don't Worry about What People Think"

There has to be a certain amount of caring what people think about our appearance and speech and actions, if we're going to live among people who are our employers or employees, our public servants or those whom we serve, our parents or our children, our friends or those who could damage us. My mother said, "You wouldn't worry too much about what people think of you, if you knew how seldom they do." She wasn't talking about normal social expectations; she was aiming at a slavish fear of people's opinions. Too much consciousness of every nuance of an encounter inhibits rather than frees it.

"My boss/teacher might feel . . ." "So-and-so said that I am . . ." "I'm afraid that someone will think . . ." All these may be good in proper perspective, but given a place of oversized importance, they are negative. Trying to teach my daughter to handle others' opinions, I asked her, "Is what they are saying or thinking true? If you know in your heart that you were right or appropriate or fair—whatever the case—then just let it go. Don't try to chase down everything you think somebody is thinking about you."

Extreme self-consciousness may have a bit of fantasy in it, imagining that how we look or how we perform really matters all that much to other people. (Hint: Most of those other people are less interested in you than they are in what others think of them!)

MaryMartha