Never Saying "Sorry"

"Love means never having to say you're sorry," is a popular line from the 1970 romance novel/film by Erich Segal. Love Story became the top selling work of fiction for all of 1970 in the United States, and was translated into more than 20 languages. The quotation above is perhaps even more enduring than the book itself. In 2005, the American Film Institute compiled a list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema. The "never saying sorry” line was #13.

The quote is often parodied. For example, a character on Rugrats says, “Being bad means never having to say you’re sorry,” and John Lennon is supposed to have said, “Love means having to say you're sorry every fifteen minutes.” Segal’s original meaning of the quote in his novel, “Love is not ever having to say you’re sorry,” is all but forgotten: not being sorry that we (the young couple) had loved and “lost,” not having regrets or blame. In the film, the line is used another time as the husband is about to apologize for his anger. His wife then responds with the famous words about never saying “sorry.”

When I first heard the words used that way, I knew instinctively that they were not true. Are we really so sure of ourselves that we think we are never going to make a mistake, even in a close relationship? (Maybe especially in a close relationship) I am with Lisa of The Simpsons. When the family was watching “Love Story,” and heard Jennifer say that love means never saying “sorry,” Lisa said “No, it doesn’t!” And I’m with the bag-of-rocks music professor (Ryan O’Neal) in “What’s Up, Doc?” who responded with “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”

Part of being mature is being able to recognize when offense has been taken, even if unintended, and being willing to take responsibility for it. Perhaps a simple, humble explanation will help, or perhaps not. Perhaps something can be done to make amends; perhaps not. But at the very least, one should have the respect and courtesy to say, and to mean it, “I am sorry.”

(And by the way, don’t add, “But you . . .”)

MaryMartha
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Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com