I conclude this “singleness” series with the remaining three of the seven “lively virtues.”
♦ Hope. Our hope is in God—period. There is no other reliable source. The Psalmist counseled his own spirit, “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” (Psalm 42:5 NASB) Talk to your heart. Hope ranks right up there with faith and love as life’s most enduring qualities. You can live expectantly even without defining specifically what you are waiting for: Only that God’s goodness be expressed. It is a lie of the devil that there are “hopeless cases.”
♦ Generosity. Being single, especially by circumstance and not by choice, tests your capacity to love selflessly against the most challenging odds. Some well-intentioned people—often those in the family circle or in the church—assume that the single person’s time and money is readily available to them. But being a servant of others does not mean being a slave to their whims. Singles struggle with balance just as much as married people with families; this issue often comes as the question, “Do I dare say ‘No’? I don’t have the excuse of family responsibility.” Single persons do have rights—to privacy, to time alone for reading and reflection and prayer, to opportunities for education, recreation, and esthetic experience. Don’t betray your inner self.
Singles can love inclusively. People are starved for attention and affirmation and non-demanding affection; who better than single persons to become agents of blessing in the Church? Be generous with your loving notice of people; give a gracious compliment now and then. And by the way, don’t stay away from family events—your own kin or the church family. You are not part of an incomplete unit; you may be a one-person unit, but you are a unit! Learn to relate intelligently to people; this may require some purposeful effort. Be such a whole person that you make the people around you “more whole”!
Learn friend-making. Choose some of your friends; don’t always let (or make) people choose you. Be wary of possessiveness, either given or received. To be a real friend is to treat the other person as a unique and wonderful individual, not as an object for your own satisfaction. In becoming a real friend to others, you are apt to find that you are abundantly blessed yourself with a fine set of friends—both men and women—some of whom you will cherish for a lifetime!
And be generous with yourself too. Love yourself and treat yourself with respect. Honestly evaluate your potential, and risk the attempt to come up to that. Give yourself permission to tap the resources of your mind and spirit, and allow yourself a few mistakes while working toward your goals. Don’t minimize your accomplishments: list them, look at them, congratulate yourself for them, thank God for enabling them, celebrate them! You are entitled to the best God has to offer you, all the fun that goes along with making the most of yourself, and all the security that comes from knowing you are okay!
♦ Faith in God. All the other virtues are just so much popular hype if you fail to take God seriously. Faith in God’s reliability and His resourcefulness can often be measured in terms of one’s enthusiasm for living. How can you think of yourself as less than whole if you accept the challenge to take God seriously? He says that Jesus came that we might have life in abundance, and so we do! He says He will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly, and so He has not withheld anything from us! He says we are complete in Him, and so we are!
St Augustine said, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.” To live the single life gracefully is to testify that there is no human love or earthly relationship that fulfills totally. There is more that the human heart seeks, and that more is God. What if we really could be instruments of God’s peace, sowing love where there is hatred, faith where there is doubt, and joy where there is sadness? We can indeed choose to be a benediction on the lives of those around us. Let us not withhold that blessing.
MaryMartha
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I no longer know all the sources from which I gleaned helpful thoughts; my apologies to any who may recognize their own words. Please allow me to give you credit. Scripture quotation marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible, used with permission.
Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com
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