I have been single for most of my adult life—the better part of forty years, in several different time frames—so it seems natural for me to share some of my thoughts. Over the next few weeks, I will be writing on that topic from time to time.
Despite the flood of media-hyped misconceptions to the contrary, single Christian adults—just like everyone else—yearn to discover a way of life that will not only fulfill their own needs but will also validate their place in the church and in the general culture. There is incredibly strong pressure to marry, as true in the church as anywhere else. To many people, including some singles themselves, being single represents an incomplete, less-than-optimum, condition—a failure to develop normally as a human being.
The Scripture does not agree with that perspective. Although God said, “It isn’t good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper and companion for him,” that does not constitute a mandate for marriage. Such a misconception would imply that Adam, created in God’s own image, was nevertheless deficient until Eve appeared on the scene. It might even suggest that Jesus Himself was somehow incomplete, since He was single! God relates to people as individuals, not as half of a couple. At best, marriage is only a temporary part of human existence, as Jesus said there will not be marrying or giving in marriage of resurrected believers.
The reasons for anyone’s singleness are, as is every other factor of life, quite complex. One may be single because of:
My own choices, both the good and the not-so-wise. The network of a hundred decisions, a thousand small choices, have fitted together to make my “now.” But I will remember always, “It is God who works in [me] to will and to act according to his good purpose,” and “In all thing God works for the good of those who love Him.”(Philippians 2:13; Romans 8:28 NIV) God is in the business of redemption, “buying back.”
Someone else’s decisions, perhaps even mistaken and cruel. Some of the factors of my singleness may be beyond my own decisions, other people’s actions having determined some of my own opportunities. These I can entrust to God, saying, “The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6 NLT)
Circumstances beyond my control. When something as major as singleness happens in someone’s life, you can be sure it not just by happenstance. If I carefully reflect on the events that led to my singleness, I may discover directives for the future that I would not have found otherwise. I will rest in His providence. The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation . . . I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13 NIV)
An accident. Even so, God is here. Would the God who has numbered the very hairs of my head let me stumble about in the dark, trying to find my own way? “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)
A temporary condition that will change eventually. “My times are in your hands,” and I will “be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” (Psalm 31:15; 37:7 NIV)
A problem that needs correcting. The past does not always predict the future. Perhaps the past had fear or selfishness as the motivation, or there were other limitations either self-imposed or other-imposed. There can be good growing and changing ahead as I see my single self more clearly. Whatever the future is, the Lord says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” II Corinthians 12:9 NIV)
The calling of God for my life or for a portion of it. Singleness is right and good for those individuals for whom it is indeed right and good. The Apostle Paul wrote, “I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” (I Corinthians 7: 35 NLT)
A gift. Paul again wrote, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” (I Corinthians 7:7 MSG)
Until next time,
MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)
Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved. Scripture quotation marked MSG is taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com
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