To be single is a special gift from God. You may find that hard to believe—I did—until I assure you that marriage too is a special gift from God. Whether we like it or not, this is the Biblical position. When this truth first came to me as a long-term single, I said, “But God, it sure doesn’t look like a gift to me!” It was not some cruel accident that there had not been the “right one” for me; it was a gift, but it took me quite a while to accept it. (It’s worthy of note that usually the people who tell us that singleness is a gift are married themselves! What are they saying? “Just be happy, you poor thing!” Or maybe, “I should be so lucky.” Interesting thought!)
Sometimes God gives the gift of being married, and sometimes He gives the gift of being single. Both are gifts: endowments and grace in our lives. If you have been single a long time, you know that it takes grace. If you have married a long time, you know that it takes grace! The Apostle Paul wrote, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” (I Corinthians 7:7 MSG) The Living Bible paraphrases that verse, “God gives some the gift of a husband or wife, and others He gives the gift of being able to stay happily unmarried.” I appreciate the emphasis that version gives to being happy; neither state is intended for our sorrow.
Jesus too taught that the ability to remain single is a gift from God. “[Marriage] requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons.” (Matthew 19:11-12 MSG) Other translations state, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.”
David Brainerd was single, Amy Carmichael and Mother Teresa were single—powerful influences for God. Robert Murray McCheyne was a Scot of deep prayer and piety, a preacher, pastor and poet, and a lasting influence on evangelical Christianity. He too was single. Could these men and women have been as effective had they been concerned about spouses and children? Dr. John R. W. Stott, called by Billy Graham “the most respected clergyman in the world today,” has influenced countless thousands with his prolific authorship; he himself acknowledges that with the responsibility of a family he could not have written, traveled and ministered as he has. Henrietta Mears, a powerful force in Christian publishing, has led some very influential men and women to Jesus Christ. “There probably wasn’t a man alive who was capable of marrying Henrietta without stifling her creativity, so God kept her single,” and she shook her world, writes Dr. David Jeremiah. There are, as well, a number of men and women who created traumatic lives for their families who might have done better to remain single as they endured the hardships encountered in their work for God.
If you are in a season of singleness, accept it as a gift. In a special way, at least for now, you are a gift to the world in which you live.
MaryMartha
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Thanks to Dr. David Jeremiah (Turning Point) for permission to use the outline of his radio sermon on I Corinthians 7 and quotes from his book Core Vales of the Church: Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, Volume 2. Many years ago during an extended period of singleness, these were a great help to me.
Scriptures marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com
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