A long-time work associate of mine is moving far away. Her family home is not in this area, so it’s unlikely that our paths will cross again. Her good-bye note to me said, “You have been a great influence [on] me . . . You’ve offered much calm and wise advice.”
I was totally surprised! When had I ever offered advice to this co-worker? Maybe I cheered, “Go for it!” as she advanced step by step to middle management. Perhaps while she was considering whether there might be a move in her future, I said something like, “Just hold steady. When it’s time, you will know what to do.” And I did tell her, “I will pray for you.” But advice? No, I don’t think so.
What I did mostly was listen. I did not realize, while she talked and I listened and nodded, that she was sorting things out. This—I need to do as soon as possible. This—I don’t even have to think about yet. And this—maybe isn’t even an issue at all! The answers were already forming in her. All I did was listen with affirmation.
I have believed for a long time that people with questions or problems often have the “seeds” of the answers or solutions within themselves. Talking helps bring to the conscious level what may be only a faint glimmer of insight. If we can stand being quiet, we can often give others a very simple, yet quite profound, gift. Listening attentively says a number of things:
I care about you.
Your question or problem or concern is not trivial.
I understand your fear, worry, anger, uncertainty (or whatever the case may be).
I am confident in your ability to find your way.
Give the simple gift of listening to your friends and to your family. And try giving it to yourself as well!
MaryMartha
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Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com
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