Speak with Grace

In the dentist's chair this afternoon, I was forced to endure an almost non-stop conversation by the patient in the adjoining area. I don't know how the hygienist worked with him, for his mouth was constantly open—but only very briefly for her instruments! His talk was 'way too loud, so that the whole office had to listen, and it wasn't even interesting! It was all about him: his expertise, his education, his job, his travel, his know-how on a computer. Employees had to speak more loudly than usual too, because they had to compete with the barrage from the second room

When I left, I thought how pointed an example that was of not speaking with grace. “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:16) One version explains that the salt idea means bringing out the best in everyone. Gracious speech is not overbearing, self-centered, and thoughtless of others.

My visit to the dentist meant a healthy mouth and a reminder to have “healthy” speech!

 

MaryMartha

 

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Art from http://www.sxc.hu/

In the Middle

I am a middle child. Growing up, I was too little to do what the big kids do, too big to act like the little ones! "It ain't easy being me!"

It's good to be in the middle of some things. I'm in the middle of a project. I drive in the middle of country roads to avoid the hazards along the edge. I am in the middle of a great book I'm reading.

It's not so good to be in the middle of some other things. I was caught in the middle of this huge traffic jam. We're in the middle of allergy season. He or she likes to be in the middle of things.

Ah! It's that last "in the middle" that often gets us into difficulty!

4Not every conversation I hear is intended to include me. If I decide to "butt in," I'd better be certain what I have to say is going to be welcomed. Staying out of the middle is well-advised.

4Not every problem that I observe someone having requires my input. Really think about it before getting in the middle.

4Not every dramatic situation that is brought to me for pity actually needs a pitying response. Stay out of the middle.

4Not everyone needs me to defend them. Stay out of the middle.

4Not every idea that floats through my head deserves to be spoken. "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool," Abraham Lincoln said, "than to speak out and remove all doubt." Stay out of the middle.

4Not every idea presented by someone else has to have my approval or veto. It's often wisest to stay out of the middle.

4Not every experience of mine makes me an expert on a seemingly similar experience of someone else. For sure, stay out of the middle!

4Not every issue—theological, political, or social—requires me to have a fully-formed, defendable opinion on the matter. Wait a good long while before getting in the middle of debate.

4Not every cause, regardless how good, has a claim to my resources. Be careful how many of those "middles" I get into.

It seems, doesn't it, that I am better off not being in the middle of a lot of business that is not strictly my own? This doesn't necessarily mean lack of caring. If you look back over the list, you will see that it mainly means not talking too much!

The Book of Proverbs has some good advice about talking. Here are a few verses, and there are many more:

• Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. (10:19)

• Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything. (13:3)

• The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words. (15:28)

• A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered. (17:27)

Remembering these Scriptures will help me stay out of the middle of things that are "none of my beeswax"—the softer way of saying "This is none of your business," used often by those bigger kids in my little life!

MaryMartha

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Art from http://www.sxc.hu/

Cross Words

There are several meanings for the term "cross words."

4 There are cross words, as in angry or frustrated expressions. To the dog, "Get out of my way, you stupid mutt." Or to the driver (who incidentally cannot hear you) who zooms around you on the freeway entrance, "Are you nuts?" Or to the third-grader at your house, "I don't see why you can't tell me ahead of time that you need to bring an empty cereal box to your classroom this morning!"

4 Then there are cross words, as in crossword puzzles. I happen to be a fan of a certain cruciverbalist's creations. (And no, I didn't make up that word!)

4 And finally there are cross words as in the ones that are always "cross-wise," spoken contrarily to what someone else has said.

"It's really nice out today. I'm enjoying the sunshine."
Yes, but just wait. You can't rely on more than a day or so of decent weather in January.

"I hear the XYZ Company is hiring. I think I'll check it out."
Sure, go ahead. You know there are going to be sixty people applying for their two positions.

"I'm finally feeling better. I've had a hard time getting rid of this bronchitis."
Well, my sister-in-law went back to work too soon and ended up with pneumonia.

"Lou's in a good mood today."
Yeah, but it won't last. It's probably the calm before the storm.

"Did you see the game last night? It was really something!"
Well, that coach oughta be producing, as much as he's being paid.

These cross-words speakers would never use bad language. They might not even use angry or frustrated expressions like those mentioned above. They wouldn't criticize others or say things that put them down. They wouldn't brag on themselves or make favorable comparisons between their children or grandkids and yours. But they are just so negative!

Don't make room for gloom and doom! "Speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this [life in Christ], no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it." (I Thessalonians 5:11 MSG) Aptly spoken words are lovely, a Bible proverb tells us, like apples of gold in frames of silver!

MaryMartha

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Art from http://www.sxc.hu/

Things Mama Taught Me: "Don't Play with Fire"

My parents were super-careful about the use of fire, and were vigilant about teaching us the same. Their caution paid off for they never had a serious fire in our home or on the farm. (The rural schoolhouse did burn down, but they had no responsibility for that incident.)

They were very cautious about other things that they must have considered to be "fire" too. It was as if they had been instructed—and passed on to us—"Don't play with fire. Don't have feelings of anger or sexual interest or self-esteem. These things will destroy you." Such feelings when properly channeled don't destroy us; in fact, repressing them will likely do more harm. Just as fire has great benefits for our lives, so do our emotions. Fire must be managed and controlled, as do emotions. Some people are—perhaps my own parents were—as afraid of their angry feelings and their sexuality and their self-interest as they would be of a fire, but that is not what the Bible teaches.

The Scripture plainly tells us that the tongue is a flame of fire. "It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell." (James 3:5, 6 MSG) James also says that we are prone to stumble in many ways, but the person who is never at fault in what he says is able to keep his whole body in check. That makes me wonder if we are missing something when we claim about some weakness we have, "I just can't help it." Perhaps our basic indiscretion is what we are saying.

No man can tame the tongue—that's James speaking again. The Apostle Paul reminds us, though, "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt." (Colossians 4:6 NASB) We need to bring God into our use of the "flame of fire" tongue, so that it does not burn out of control and damage the lives of those around us—and burn us as well while we are playing with it.

MaryMartha

Scripture marked MSG is taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture marked NASB is from the New American Standard Bible, used by permission of The Lockman Foundation, www.lockman.org

Art from http://www.sxc.hu/

Things Mama Taught Me: "If You Can't Say Something Nice . . .

You know the rest of the line, I'm sure! We'll say it altogether now, ". . . don't say anything at all." This was good advice for confrontational situations with my siblings, but later in life, I had to learn when to speak up and how to do it.

I sometimes read the online comments that follow news items—but much of the time I don't because so many of them are rude and vitriolic. What is it about anonymity that gives people license to be so intolerant and discourteous? Administrators won't allow obscene comments or threats, but just about anything else goes. I wonder if the writers really feel better after venting or if doing so just enhances their opinion that most other people are idiots, derelicts, or crooks.

And it's not only political and social figures that are blasted. I just finished reading some comparisons of mixes for baked goods. Among many appreciative and helpful comments, some people said:

"(The Such-and-Such goods) suck." [This may be inelegant, but not really as vulgar and offensive as it once was.)

"(Baked goods) are just as easy to make from scratch as they are from a box, and they taste about a thousand times better. Why so lazy, everybody???"

"This is ridiculous . . . poor quality."

"Anybody who has not tried (Such-and-Such brand) has no right to comment on the issue."

Who knew folks could feel so strongly about what we baked? Don't we believe that "nothing says lovin' like something from the oven"?

Many times opinions are merely interesting points of conversation, and as such they shouldn't be allowed to destroy good social interaction. But sometimes we find ourselves in difficult situations concerning things that truly matter, and we need to express an honest opinion even though it is negative in content. Perhaps we have been asked for it, or it becomes our moral duty to speak out. It's right to have our opinion, and sometimes it is right to express it strongly. But if you can't say something nice, find a nice way—a respectful, decent way—to say what must be said. That excludes angry controlling and name-calling and put-downs.

Do read "Don't Try to Force Your Opinion on Others" which is something else Mama taught me. (Click here)
MaryMartha

Art from http://www.sxc.hu/

Conversation

I have a great idea!

What if we made laws for public discourse similar to our traffic laws? I stopped at several stop signs today, and did not proceed until no one else was on the road right at that corner. I also obeyed the red and green traffic lights that informed me when to stop and go. The other day at a four-way stop, each of the drivers waited with evident courtesy and caution until it was his/her turn. Now wouldn't it be unique among talkers if we were so observant of the conventions of polite conversation?

I am frustrated with people who are determined to out-talk others by their volume, their scary attitude, or their sheer wordiness. I would rather not be there at all than try to listen to them, even if they are not talking directly to me. (I have my personal list of grievous offenders, both individuals and groups, and you probably do as well.) They are not so much interested in conversation, an interchange of ideas and words, as they are in making their opinion absolute.

"There's nothing better than being wise, knowing how to interpret the meaning of life. Wisdom puts light in the eyes, and gives gentleness to words and manners." (Ecclesiastes 8:1)

"Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out." (Colossians 4:6)

"The words of a wise person are gracious. The talk of a fool self-destructs—he starts out talking nonsense and ends up spouting insanity and evil." (Ecclesiastes 10:12)

Oh, about my great idea—I guess there already are some rules.

MaryMartha

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Things Mama Taught Me: Don't Force Your Opinion on Others

My siblings and I are not shy about having our own opinions; we have them on almost everything! Thankfully, we don't find it necessary to persuade everyone around us to follow our lead, a mostly useless endeavor anyway. Our mother said clearly and often, "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." This old proverb has been used in different forms by a number of modern authors, Dale Carnegie for one, but I doubt that she had ever read "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It's been around for a very long time, perhaps two or three hundred years. Mary Wollstonecraft, a famous British writer and feminist, used a variation of the quote in her 1792 treatise, "A Vindication of the Rights of Woman." Its placement in quotation marks there indicates that it was not original with her; she either did not know origin of the saying or assumed that it was so popularly known that citing the source was unnecessary. She may have been misquoting lines from Samuel Butler's 17th century poem, "Hudibras":

He that complies against his will
Is of his own opinion still
Which he may adhere to, yet disown,
For reasons to himself best known.

Whether that thought was Butler's own or borrowed from an even older saying, we'll probably never know, but regardless of the source, Mama was right. It's pretty hard to force someone to think as you do. They may seem to acquiesce, but like the little boy who was sent to sit in the corner, they are "still standing up on the inside."

It is proper and right to have an opinion on things, but I don't have to weigh in with my opinion on everything! I even have to examine regularly my need to write: "Will I do so even when I do not know who out there in the cyber world is reading?" (Yes.) It is indeed important to stand up for what is right—but one could spend all their waking hours trying to correct the multitude of errors and wrongs to be found around us. And speaking frankly, most of those attempts would be only verbal—a blast of hot, but empty, opinion about this person or that situation—with there being very little that we could actually do about it.

Still, even if some people are argumentative, having opinions is a good thing and being free to express them is . . . priceless! "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." I thank God for freedom of speech.

And for Mama who taught us some lessons about how to use it.

MaryMartha

You may want to read related entries in this blog:
Don't Confuse Me with the Facts
Of Peanut Butter, Critical Reviews, and Tuning In
In All Things Charity

Info on the quotes:
(1) http://www.cliffsnotes.com/WileyCDA/Section/id-305408,articleId-41563.html.
(2) Attributed to Voltaire, French philosopher and author, 1694-1778. The Columbia World of Quotations. 1996.

Desperate to Be Heard

A couple of weeks ago, a cyber attack caused Twitter, the social network with more than forty-four million users to shut down for a couple of hours. Facebook and the blogging site LiveJournal were also affected to a lesser degree. What surprised me when this incident was reported was not that it had happened, since even U.S. government sites have proved to be not 100% secure. What caught my attention was user reaction to the loss of their communication link.

For some, the blackout created near-panic. "I can't update! I can't update!" Online communication, in their lives, is not just a hobby or an amusement but a crucial part of social interaction. Suddenly having that cut off was upsetting, even frightening; it is a veritable lifeline. One user said she felt naked without Twitter. I am from the pre-Internet generation and that seems strange to me, because she also said that "pretty much everyone knows almost every detail of my life" by her postings on Twitter. Now that would make me feel "naked"!

Years ago, in an information technology class, the instructor told us how important personal interaction was going to be in the coming years. "A high-tech society is going to demand high-touch too," he said, emphasizing that those of us who went into service careers would have to be people-oriented as well as computer-savvy. I think we see that happening. The young people who were brought up on television and electronic games are desperate to be heard. And not just the kids, because the more automated and hurried and impersonal our personal environments become, the more a lot of us wish we could just talk to someone. We too want to be heard.

We might like to think this would be solved if everyone sat down and ate dinner together. It would help, we may suppose, if teachers could have class discussions instead of spending so much time trying to maintain order. Or we just need to "unplug."

That's not likely to happen! What people want is not just to talk; they want to be heard. Nielson Online, a research firm that measures Internet traffic, reported in April that Twitter's audience retention rate is about 40% after one month of membership. It is hard to build and keep an audience, and when what a person is saying is not "heard," they are probably going to quit talking.

What I can do in my small world, and you can do in yours, is to listen, really listen. Whether you use letters and e-mails, phone calls and text messages, or actually engage in face-to-face conversation, give your friends or family members the evidence that they are being heard.

MaryMartha

Another post on listening: http://findingthefaithway.blogspot.com/2008/12/simple-gift-listening.html

Information on Twitter:
www.crn.com (Search terms: nielson report twitter)
www.money.cnn.com (Search: twitter denial of service)

Things Mama Taught Me: Say "I'm Sorry"

But what if I'm not sorry? Or what if I'm sorry only that my action was discovered? That made no difference to my mother. She knew that the humbling process of apologizing was a step toward genuine sorrow, especially if accompanied by corrective measures so that I didn't care to repeat it! Action often has to precede emotion; if I say "sorry" and act out "sorry," the chances are good that I will eventually feel sorry as well.

Wouldn't it have been nice if, as a child, I had had a PR person following me around, declaring, "She didn't really mean that. What she intended to say was . . ." On a regular basis, we hear leaders in politics, religion, and business offering their sort-of apologies: "I'm sorry you misunderstood . . . " "A lot of people were hurt . . . " "I did not intend to . . . " Do you ever get the feeling that given the same opportunity but with the assurance that this time they could avoid being caught, the offenders would probably repeat their action? Whatever happened to "I was wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me and I'll never do this again"? As documented by primatologists, even chimpanzees have reconciliation protocols, which sometimes look a lot like handshaking. Obviously, they had mothers who taught them to say, "I'm sorry."

The horror of many a crime or tragic accident is mitigated by the genuine remorse the offender demonstrates. Even judges are not immune to the presence—or absence—of authentic regret. For those who have suffered loss, sometimes the closure afforded by seeing the sorrow of the one who caused their grief is as important as the sentence handed down by the court. Too often they are denied that relief by someone who is not even sorry for the pain they have created.

"For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death." (II Corinthians 7:10) Saying "I'm sorry" when we're wrong is good for us.

MaryMartha

You may want to read the post Never Saying "Sorry." Click on the title.

Scripture quotation is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

"Your Speech Bewrayeth You"

In the King James Version of the Bible, with some of its archaic language, that is what the bystanders said to Peter when they heard him speak, "Thy speech bewrayeth thee." They recognized the accent of one who was from Galilee, and therefore concluded that he was with Jesus who had just come through the high priest's courtyard to be tried before the scribes and elders. Peter's speech betrayed him.

Our words give us away as well. I was in my yard, banking new soil to keep a sandy sloped area from washing away completely. A man walking his dog came by and, after an exchange of greetings, asked about my project. "I'm building terraces up here to keep everything from washing down onto the sidewalk," I explained. "Ah, you're from the farm!" he said. "That's what a farmer would call those." And it's true. My speech "betrayed" me.

Jesus told us this would happen. "For whatever is in your heart determines what you say," and "A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart." (Matthew 12:34; Luke 6:45) We may try to argue this point: "I didn't mean it." "I was just kidding." "Well, he/she said, so I said . . ." "I so upset, I couldn't help it." But James writes, "Sometimes it [the tongue] praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring." (James 3:9-12)

What's inside will come out: Fear or faith. Fun or frustration. Falsehood or fact. Friendship or flattery. And, I found out, even the Farm.

MaryMartha

I have written quite a number of other articles about words and their power. To access them easily, click on the label "words" at the bottom of this article.

Words Like Honey

"Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." (Proverbs 16:24 NLT)

Research in the last few years confirms what the Wisdom Writer already knew: Honey is great stuff! Composed primarily of carbohydrates and water, honey also contains small amounts of a wide array of vitamins and minerals. Recent interest in antioxidants suggests honey in our diet as one more added source. It is thought that honey encourages the growth of "good" bacteria in the digestive system, and there is some evidence that honey may assist in the body's assimilation of calcium. Greek and Roman athletes are said to have used honey to increase their strength and stamina, and modern science corroborates those findings; honey is found on many training tables and in "quick energy" foods used during and after exercise.

But that's not all. According to the National Honey Board, honey is an effective antimicrobial agent, useful for treating minor burns and scrapes, and for aiding the treatment of sore throats and other bacterial infections. Cleopatra of Egypt regularly took honey and milk baths to maintain her youthful appearance, and Queen Anne of England is supposed to have used a honey and oil concoction to keep her long hair thick and shiny. Modern manufacturers have followed suit, using honey in everything from hand lotions to bubble baths. Honey presents a wholesome, natural image, but that is not the whole picture. Honey is a humectant, attracting and retaining moisture, which makes it a useful ingredient in skin and hair care products. It also acts as an anti-irritant, making it suitable for sensitive skin.

With all this information about honey, I gained a better understanding of how effective kind words can be. Can they aid the soul? Can they make a difference in one's health? The Scripture indicates they can.

• Congenial conversation—what a pleasure! The right word at the right time—beautiful! (Proverbs 15:23 MSG)
  
• Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. (Proverbs 25:11 NLT)
  
• A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. (Proverbs 15:1 NLT)
  
• Children of Zion, celebrate! Be glad in your God. He's giving you a teacher to train you how to live right—Teaching, like rain out of heaven, showers of words to refresh and nourish your soul, just as he used to do. (Joel 2:23 MSG)
  
• “ 'Don’t be afraid,' he [the Man in Daniel's vision] said, 'for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!' As he spoke these words to me, I suddenly felt stronger and said to him, 'Please speak to me, my lord, for you have strengthened me.' ” (Daniel 10:19 NLT)

There are many more benefits of honey-words. But I have to go now and have a spoonful of honey!

MaryMartha

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved. Scriptures marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

A Few Choice Words

Communication with other folks is a risky business. There is:

1. What you said.
2. What you meant.
3. What I thought I heard you say.
4. What I thought you meant.

Rarely are these all exactly the same message, and there may be as many as four varying ones! And sometimes, I may hear only what I wanted or expected to hear—different from any of the above four.

That possibility reminds me of a clever word-twisting story that one of my brothers favored and gave to me, many years ago, on a couple of purple-imprinted sheets duplicated on a Ditto Machine. (Okay, you don't know about this if you are younger than, say, forty-five!) Written nearly seventy years ago by Howard L. Chace, it demonstrates how words can say what we want them to and not what they really mean. Chace re-wrote the fairy tale, "Little Red Riding Hood," and later a whole book of stories (Anguish Languish), into plain English words--but never the correct ones, relying on speed and intonation alone to convey the meaning. In case you are interested in such "terminal silliness," there's a link (Edited: at a community college site) here to the furry tell of Ladle Rat Rotten Hut or you can skip it altogether.

"A few choice words" does not have to mean, as we so often use the phrase, that someone spouted profanities or was verbally abusive. They are the means of effective communication. The Scripture says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." (Proverbs 25:11 KJV)

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Things Mama Taught Me: "Is It True . . . Kind . . . Necessary?"

There are many versions of these tests for words we speak, attributed to a variety of speakers: Ann Landers, for one, and Eleanor Roosevelt, the Rotary Club, a guru named Sai Baba, and a very old poem before any of those other possible sources existed. But this is the one I heard my mother often repeat, and she probably heard it from her mother.

First of all, is what I am about to say true? Mama was super-conscientious about telling the truth. (Maybe that’s why she never said very much!) The rationale for that is very clear. Her Bible—the King James Version, of course. Proverbs 12:22 says, “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.” In Ephesians 4:25, she read, “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man [every person] truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.” The ultimate rule was one of the Ten: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.” (Exodus 20:16) We could take this to mean only giving false testimony in court, but Bible scholars do not see it that way. One of them writes, “[This] commandment concerns our own and our neighbour's good name. This forbids speaking falsely on any matter, lying, equivocating, and any way devising or designing to deceive our neighbour. Speaking unjustly against our neighbour, to hurt his reputation. Bearing false witness against him, or in common conversation slandering, backbiting, and tale-bearing; making what is done amiss worse than it is, and in any way endeavouring to raise our reputation upon the ruin of our neighbour's. (Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary) The test can be interpreted then by asking, “Am I intending to deceive?

Next, is what I am about to say kind? There are many things one could say which would be absolutely true, but are best voiced with the greatest care or even left unsaid. “That dress makes you look really fat!” “You’re not studying hard enough. You can do better than a B!” “You’d better get out and wash the car; it looks dreadful!” Mama didn’t speak words like these. Again she had the Scripture as her guide. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) And she read in Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” A word of explanation about “salt” in that last verse: Grace is the “salt” which seasons our conversation, and keeps it from being corrupt. Though our speaking will not always be about grace, yet it must always be with grace. Even the ordinary should be spoken of in a Christian manner.

Last, is what I am about to say necessary? I would qualify the word necessary a bit to say “helpful,” “beneficial,” or the Scriptural term, “edifying.” Mama knew the world could do with less banal chatter, and so she didn’t add much of it. It isn’t wise to say meaningless things just so there’s no dead air (a radio term meaning unexpected silence, sometimes caused because the broadcaster has run out of intelligent things to say). Now here’s an interesting Scripture! “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” (Proverbs 17:28) That may be where Mark Twain got this piece of advice, "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Another verse in Proverbs says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” (25:11) The Apostle Paul wrote, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29) If it serves no good purpose, it’s best to leave it unsaid.

These are very stringent tests, aren’t they? Maybe our speaking is not going to meet them all the time, but certainly, these little “guards” at the gate of our lips can help us be more aware of the words we let pass through. “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.” (From Mama’s Bible, Psalm 19:14)

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

What Miss T Eats

I had the most interesting reading books when I was a youngster! I remember still the poem, “Miss T.”

It's a very odd thing—
As odd as can be—
That whatever Miss T eats
Turns into Miss T.

Walter de la Mare (1873 - 1956)
British poet and novelist, from Peacock Pie, A Book of Rhymes, 1913

I’m sure the point was for us young readers to realize that what we ingested—fruits and vegetables, milk, and meat or candy, ice cream, and popcorn—would make a difference in our health. A verse I read today in Proverbs reminded me of Miss T. “Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.” (Proverbs 26:22 NLT) Other translations call the dainty bites “choice morsels” or “tasty trifles” and in addition to rumors include gossip, tale bearing, and whispering (in the sense of insinuating). Isn’t it interesting that what goes into our mouths goes into muscle and bone building and other body functions, while what goes in our ears goes to our inmost being!

Words that we speak are powerful things. “Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21 MSG) The same is true of the words to which we listen. We are probably all exposed to things we would rather not hear, but we do have a lot of discretion—more perhaps, than we usually exercise—about what we choose to hear.

It’s a very odd thing—
Very odd, I should say—
That what Miss (or Mr. or Mrs.) J hears
Turns into Miss J. --MM

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotation marked NLT is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved. Scripture marked MSG is taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Measure Twice and Saw Once

“Measure twice and saw once” was what my dad or some other wise person told me as they observed my efforts on a repair project. The meaning is clear. I cannot put back a piece I have removed. If I’ve changed my mind, or I sawed off too much and now neither section is workable—well, I should have exercised just a little more care before I started wielding that saw.
Thinking about that old adage, I realized how like another it is: “Think twice before you speak.” This is perhaps even more familiar than the one about measuring, but to me it is not as descriptive. Sure, we know we are supposed to think about what we’re saying, but drawing the parallel between speaking and sawing may give us a better picture of just how important that thoughtfulness is. We can’t really take back spoken words any more than we can re-attach the piece of board that we sawed off and now wish we hadn’t!

“Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” (Colossians 4:6) Satisfying relationships and productive lives are not achieved without some thoughtful attention to our speech. Maybe this can help guide us: “Measure twice and saw once.”

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture quotation is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Politically Correct and Legal (Or Simply Right and Kind)

In the last few years, a number of prominent persons in various leadership roles have, in their reported public speeches or in conversation which found its way into the media, opened their mouths and inserted a foot. Lest some important voter group or financial supporter be alienated, their official spokespersons have hastily apologized, “He didn’t really mean it that way,“ or “What she intended to say was—”

Although by then the term had been around for nearly forty years, we soon became quite accustomed to hearing the catch-phrase, “politically correct.” This term describes language, ideas, policies, or behavior which attempt to minimize offense to groups identified by gender, race, culture, disability, age or other criteria. To the leaders who made those public blunders, it meant expressing themselves next time in language that does not offend those who may prove to be important to the speaker’s cause! Because of that evident self-serving motivation, some Christians treat political correctness as a silly joke or even as a fault to be avoided. It is neither. For all the scorn heaped upon it, it is, for the most part, still correct. It is right not to offend others by trampling on their nationality, their occupation, or their physical characteristics. It is right not to disparage others’ religious beliefs, their part of town, or the car they drive. Why would I ever hear any political incorrectness when I go, of all places, to church?

Even the air at my professional workplace is “sanitized.” I never hear off-color jokes in the staff room, I never hear disparaging remarks about women, I never hear racial slurs or religious taunts. How did I come to be so protected? My employer, concerned about avoiding the hazards of a “hostile work environment,” provides mandatory sessions on diversity awareness and on harassment. How can it be that my workplace is a haven from ethnic jokes, religious put-downs, and gender-biased remarks--and among Church folks is where I have sometimes heard them?

With the very public recognition of what is appropriate language, ignorance is no longer an excuse. Just pay attention to what is expected in secular society. There is little reason to offend by our thoughtless words those to whom we want to minister--even though our expressions may be habitual because “That’s the way I was brought up.” If the world can learn to say what is correct and legal, we too can learn to say what is right and kind.

That is not to say that there will never be offense in presenting the claims of Christ. The Apostle Paul acknowledged this as a reality, because not everyone likes being confronted with the truth of the Gospel. We must heed the Apostle Peter’s admonition, however, to take care that we are not censured for our own faults. “There's no particular virtue in accepting punishment that you well deserve. But if you're treated badly for good behavior and continue in spite of it to be a good servant, that is what counts with God.” (I Peter 2:20 The Message) With presenting the reconciling Christ as our goal, why would we risk offending for a lesser cause?

It is my observation that most often these careless verbal offenses occur when an attempt is made to be funny. Paul warned us about this. “There must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. (Ephesians 5:4 NASB) I like a good joke; my family is blessed with several consummate storytellers who regale us with tales that are falling-down funny. And it is not wrong to laugh in church, either. I like the wacky photos that show up on the video screen and the humorous illustrations that the pastor gives. But we have to find something to laugh about besides people of other faiths, soccer moms and balding men, ethnic dialects, and used car dealers. What can we make jokes about? Well, let’s figure it out; to Peter and to Paul it was a serious concern. Politicians realize that their casual remarks are significant, and employers are concerned about the environment in which they place their workers. Are we to let the world be wiser than the children of light? There is no reason why the Church should be a decade or two behind.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture marked NASB taken from the New American Standard Bible, used with permission of http://www.lockman.org/

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Infected Words

For fifty years, from October 2, 1950, to January 3, 2000, Charles M Schulz, instructed us in the values and vicissitudes of daily life through the Peanuts comic strip. I was a dedicated reader as I was growing up—and still love the classic reprints. Who could forget Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown, Linus and his blanket, Charlie Brown pining for the little red-haired girl, Pigpen, Spike, Woodstock, Peppermint Patty and all the rest? One particular strip, only one, has stayed in my mind all these years.

Linus: I think you should stop saying 'nyaah nyaah nyaah' to Charlie Brown. Those 'nyaah's can hurt!
Sally: Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Linus: Well, they do hurt! Those 'nyaah's can get down in your stomach and really hurt!
Sally: You're crazy! A few 'nyaah's can't hurt anybody!
Linus: They can if they become infected!

My parents used to tell me to rebuff my older brothers' taunts with “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words/names will never hurt me.” I dutifully repeated that, but I knew it wasn’t actually true. Words do get down in your stomach or your heart and hurt; they can even get “infected.” This infection is what happens when someone is offended by another’s words and begins to harbor anger or bitterness, perhaps even refusing to ever speak with the person again. It is what happens when something said is remembered and replayed over and over again, sometimes for years, the hurt never lessening, the unfairness of it all becoming greater as time passes.

So what should we do? First, if we are the ones doing the criticizing, fault-finding, ridiculing, name-calling, minimizing, “joking” at another’s expense—the answer is simple: Stop it.

If we are the ones receiving the criticism, ridicule, painful jokes, etc., the answer is more complex. We may need to lighten up. Just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. Examine, “What is really the truth about me?” and then we need to practice telling ourselves the truth. We may need to speak honestly: “I feel hurt when you say things like that. Please stop.” We must forgive, or the harm we do to our spirits and our bodies can be greater than the original hurt.

Linus, you were absolutely right.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

(For some Peanuts nostalgia, go to this source: http://people.cs.uchicago.edu/~dinoj/peanuts.html)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Words Are Permanent

I’ve often thought how wonderful it would be to have money—lots and lots of it—enough to endow professorial chairs at my alma mater and build churches and support medical research and feed the hungry children of the world. There are many reasons why people would want to fund projects like those just mentioned. Some want to honor family members or friends with their gifts. Some want to be recognized as a benefactor by their community and by society in general. Some want to leave a memorial to themselves. Some simply want to do as much good as they can. But all of us, even ordinary people without a whole lot of money and whether we intend to or not, will leave an enduring remembrance. It will be our words—and I don’t mean epitaphs etched in granite on our tombstones.

Words are permanent. Today’s technology has made us aware that they are enduring. For example, once I post this entry, it is out of my hands. Tomorrow or next week or next year, I may edit it, move it, retract it, or even delete it, but it will still be cached somewhere and thus more or less permanent. There is a cleverly-named publishing company called “Permanent Press.” I don’t know if that particular firm has ever had to recall books they’ve distributed, but it is next to impossible to do that completely. Bookstores and libraries can return books they’ve purchased, but copies owned by individuals and downloaded versions and “pirated” copies are irretrievable. Words are pretty permanent.

While we recognize the endurance of published words, our spoken or personally written words are equally long-lasting. There are many versions of this old fable about gossiping—just as true of complaining, lying, criticizing, ridiculing, demeaning (even oneself), and joking that embarrasses or puts others down. A villager once spread a slanderous tale about another, and soon everyone in the community knew the story. Some time later, the gossiper repented, and confessed to the individual who had been unfairly targeted. “Please forgive me,” the wrongdoer begged remorsefully.

“Of course I will pardon you,” the other replied. “But first you must comply with a wish of mine. Bring a pillow to the village square, cut it open, and toss the feathers into the air in every direction. Then come back to me here.” The offender did as requested and soon returned. “Now go through the village and gather the feathers again,” the victim of the mischief instructed. “See that not a single one is missing.”

“That’s impossible!” the trouble-maker cried. “The wind has scattered them everywhere. By now they are even in the fields outside the village!”

“Just so,” the offended one said sadly. “While I forgive you gladly, do not forget that you can never undo the damage your words have done.”

If you doubt the permanence of words (because after all, we are mere mortals), here’s what Jesus said, "It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation." (Matthew 12:34b-37 The Message) In the hearts of family and friends, and in the heart of God, our words are permanent.

Not to stop on a sad note: kind words, loving words, words that uplift and help and heal are permanent too. Did you learn Longfellow’s poem when you were in school? Here it is again.

The Arrow and the Song
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?
Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14 NIV)

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. New International Bible also quoted by permission.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com