Showing posts with label verbal abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label verbal abuse. Show all posts

Friday, November 20, 2009

Things Mama Taught Me: "If You Can't Say Something Nice . . .

You know the rest of the line, I'm sure! We'll say it altogether now, ". . . don't say anything at all." This was good advice for confrontational situations with my siblings, but later in life, I had to learn when to speak up and how to do it.

I sometimes read the online comments that follow news items—but much of the time I don't because so many of them are rude and vitriolic. What is it about anonymity that gives people license to be so intolerant and discourteous? Administrators won't allow obscene comments or threats, but just about anything else goes. I wonder if the writers really feel better after venting or if doing so just enhances their opinion that most other people are idiots, derelicts, or crooks.

And it's not only political and social figures that are blasted. I just finished reading some comparisons of mixes for baked goods. Among many appreciative and helpful comments, some people said:

"(The Such-and-Such goods) suck." [This may be inelegant, but not really as vulgar and offensive as it once was.)

"(Baked goods) are just as easy to make from scratch as they are from a box, and they taste about a thousand times better. Why so lazy, everybody???"

"This is ridiculous . . . poor quality."

"Anybody who has not tried (Such-and-Such brand) has no right to comment on the issue."

Who knew folks could feel so strongly about what we baked? Don't we believe that "nothing says lovin' like something from the oven"?

Many times opinions are merely interesting points of conversation, and as such they shouldn't be allowed to destroy good social interaction. But sometimes we find ourselves in difficult situations concerning things that truly matter, and we need to express an honest opinion even though it is negative in content. Perhaps we have been asked for it, or it becomes our moral duty to speak out. It's right to have our opinion, and sometimes it is right to express it strongly. But if you can't say something nice, find a nice way—a respectful, decent way—to say what must be said. That excludes angry controlling and name-calling and put-downs.

Do read "Don't Try to Force Your Opinion on Others" which is something else Mama taught me. (
Click here)
MaryMartha
Art from http://www.sxc.hu/

Thursday, January 8, 2009

But He Never Hit Me

Because of its relevance to women in particular, I have moved this post to my blog, "Claiming Our Selves," written especially for women. I invite you to read it here.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Tell


Because of its relevance to women in particular, I have moved this post to my blog, "Claiming Our Selves," written especially for women. I invite you to read it here.

MaryMartha

Friday, August 29, 2008

Infected Words

For fifty years, from October 2, 1950, to January 3, 2000, Charles M Schulz, instructed us in the values and vicissitudes of daily life through the Peanuts comic strip. I was a dedicated reader as I was growing up—and still love the classic reprints. Who could forget Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown, Linus and his blanket, Charlie Brown pining for the little red-haired girl, Pigpen, Spike, Woodstock, Peppermint Patty and all the rest? One particular strip, only one, has stayed in my mind all these years.

Linus: I think you should stop saying 'nyaah nyaah nyaah' to Charlie Brown. Those 'nyaah's can hurt!

Sally: Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Linus: Well, they do hurt! Those 'nyaah's can get down in your stomach and really hurt!
Sally: You're crazy! A few 'nyaah's can't hurt anybody!
Linus: They can if they become infected!

My parents used to tell me to rebuff my older brothers' taunts with “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words/names will never hurt me.” I dutifully repeated that, but I knew it wasn’t actually true. Words do get down in your stomach or your heart and hurt; they can even get “infected.” This infection is what happens when someone is offended by another’s words and begins to harbor anger or bitterness, perhaps even refusing to ever speak with the person again. It is what happens when something said is remembered and replayed over and over again, sometimes for years, the hurt never lessening, the unfairness of it all becoming greater as time passes.

So what should we do? First, if we are the ones doing the criticizing, fault-finding, ridiculing, name-calling, minimizing, “joking” at another’s expense—the answer is simple: Stop it.

If we are the ones receiving the criticism, ridicule, painful jokes, etc., the answer is more complex. We may need to lighten up. Just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. Examine, “What is really the truth about me?” and then we need to practice telling ourselves the truth. We may need to speak honestly: “I feel hurt when you say things like that. Please stop.” We must forgive, or the harm we do to our spirits and our bodies can be greater than the original hurt.

Linus, you were absolutely right.

MaryMartha
(All rights reserved)

(For some Peanuts nostalgia, go to this source:
http://people.cs.uchicago.edu/~dinoj/peanuts.html)

Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bruises

Because of its relevance to women in particular, I have moved this post to my blog, "Claiming Our Selves," written especially for women. I invite you to read it here.