I indulged in a nice piece of dark chocolate the other afternoon—thank you, Dove Promises—and the little message on the foil wrapper said this: “Live in the present, forgive your past.” One might wonder, at first, why the words are not, “Forget your past.” The truth is, we don’t forget significant experiences readily, especially if the emotions surrounding them were strongly negative. Research indicates that fear and sadness trigger increased activity in a part of the brain linked to memory. You probably can remember just what you were doing when you heard that President Kennedy had been assassinated or that the Challenger had exploded or that airplanes had flown into the Twin Towers. On the other hand, you may have a hard time remembering an important anniversary or to renew your driver’s license. That is because emotionally charged memories are preserved in greater detail, and thus remembered more clearly, than happy or neutral memories (although we must be aware that they are subject to distortion).
Probably everyone has personal memories they wish they could just turn off, memories about their own mistakes or failures. These may be as overwhelming as the remorse for a criminal offense or a tragic accident caused by irresponsibility. They may be as nagging as the regret that early health habits have created a present crisis or that one did not say “I love you,” to a friend or family member before they died. Since we are not likely to just forget these faults, how can we live at peace with ourselves? The answer was on the candy wrapper: Forgive your past.
Sometimes this is not easily done. We may even say, “I can never forgive myself for doing . . . saying . . . causing . . .” The wounds may be very deep, and we have trouble even facing the situation honestly. Or they may still be very new, and we cannot see them objectively. God is the perfect Forgiver; He forgives speedily and without question. When we forgive—especially, I think, when we forgive ourselves—we forgive slowly and with a great deal of caution. Then we must go just as far as we can, and keep ourselves working at it without self-criticism and guilt.
Many of us grew up hearing the adage, “Anything worth doing at all is worth doing well.” That sounds good, like the “pursuit of excellence,” but in fact there are some things in life we may never begin at all if we put them off until we can do them well. Some things are just too important to wait. We must begin by doing the best we can, even though we have little confidence in our ability and may in fact not do it very well.
Forgiving is one of those things. When it comes to forgiving ourselves, sometimes the best we can do is to forgive ourselves partly and then pray: “O God, I am trying to let go of the past, but I’m really not able to do it very it well. I have forgiven myself the best I can, but I still have times when I beat myself up. So now, Lord, I bring the whole situation to You. Here are my sins and my hurt, and my feeble efforts. Give me Your great healing power for my weakness.”
How can forgiving ourselves—even if it is only partly, at first—start us on the road to freedom and wholeness? Think of the thing you have the most trouble forgiving yourself for. Now, if your best and most trusted friend had been in this situation, if you discovered that the person whom you most respect had done or said or been this—could you find it in your heart to forgive them and minister gently to the wounded area in their life?
What keeps you from treating yourself as you would treat that friend?
MaryMartha
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Source for the brain information: http://www.webmd.com/brain/news/20070829/bad-memories-easier-to-remember?src=RSS_PUBLIC
Email: mrymrtha@gmail.com
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