stuff-releasing project,
I've given away several items that have considerable intrinsic value but to which I am no longer connected. I assured the intermediary that the stuff was given "with no strings attached," that is, no special demands or limits. I find that is such a relief! There is no need for me to follow up: who is the final recipient, where are they using it, are they using it as carefully as I once did, and so forth.
This being the Christmas giving/entertaining season, I pondered some more about the general concept of no strings attached. One person complained, "I entertained that couple twice in my home, and they have never offered an invitation in return. Don't they know they are supposed to reciprocate?" I wanted to respond, "Well, did you enjoy their company? Did they seem to enjoy yours? Is that not enough?"
There are many reasons why those acquaintances may not have opened their home in return. Things are not always what they seem; perhaps someone in the home is physically or emotionally frail. Perhaps there are serious financial limitations, and they cannot afford anything but essentials. There may be things in the home that need to be repaired or replaced, and they feel embarrassed by the situation. Perhaps they are just ill at ease with entertaining. These may not seem like sufficient reasons, but they are huge to some people.
I could have added, "Or maybe they were naïve enough to think that they were invited to your home because you wanted to have them there. They just didn't catch on that the reason you invited them to your home was so they would invite you to theirs!"
There are some people who want to give only if they are recognized "sufficiently" as givers. Giving to tho
se who do not acknowledge the gift is a touchy subject: Grandchildren who do not say thanks for birthday checks, brides who do not send thank-you notes, waitpersons who are offensive about expecting a tip. Every giver has to decide for himself/herself how to handle these situations. But it would be well to stop and consider, "Why am I giving this? Are there strings attached to this gift? What am I hoping for in return?"
I should confess that I am not really the magnanimous giver that you might think. I am so glad to be getting rid of stuff! But it did make me happy to be able to give some things away, rather than sell them. Maybe I should be paying the recipients for giving my former possessions a good home!
MaryMartha
This being the Christmas giving/entertaining season, I pondered some more about the general concept of no strings attached. One person complained, "I entertained that couple twice in my home, and they have never offered an invitation in return. Don't they know they are supposed to reciprocate?" I wanted to respond, "Well, did you enjoy their company? Did they seem to enjoy yours? Is that not enough?"
There are many reasons why those acquaintances may not have opened their home in return. Things are not always what they seem; perhaps someone in the home is physically or emotionally frail. Perhaps there are serious financial limitations, and they cannot afford anything but essentials. There may be things in the home that need to be repaired or replaced, and they feel embarrassed by the situation. Perhaps they are just ill at ease with entertaining. These may not seem like sufficient reasons, but they are huge to some people.
I could have added, "Or maybe they were naïve enough to think that they were invited to your home because you wanted to have them there. They just didn't catch on that the reason you invited them to your home was so they would invite you to theirs!"
There are some people who want to give only if they are recognized "sufficiently" as givers. Giving to tho
se who do not acknowledge the gift is a touchy subject: Grandchildren who do not say thanks for birthday checks, brides who do not send thank-you notes, waitpersons who are offensive about expecting a tip. Every giver has to decide for himself/herself how to handle these situations. But it would be well to stop and consider, "Why am I giving this? Are there strings attached to this gift? What am I hoping for in return?"I should confess that I am not really the magnanimous giver that you might think. I am so glad to be getting rid of stuff! But it did make me happy to be able to give some things away, rather than sell them. Maybe I should be paying the recipients for giving my former possessions a good home!
MaryMartha
Art from http://sxc.hu/
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