I'm not sure my mother ever told me specifically that it was not okay to get "mad," but if not, I know I picked it up from her own way of life. I cannot think of any time when I recognized that she was angry. Hurt, yes. Frustrated, yes. Even unhappy. But not mad. I now realize that Christians who feel they dare not let inconvenience or displeasure make them angry often cover that emotion with others they consider less dangerous. I should know; I became a poster child for that self-deception.
Anger is a useful human emotion. Like pain, it warns us that something requires attention. Rather than prohibit it, the Bible denounces selfish, misdirected, out-of-control anger. It uses words like wrath, malice, strife, hatred and so forth to describe that family of negative responses and warns us to put them away.
The person who denies their indignation at injustice and avoids every kind of conflict may be as difficult to live with as the person who is angry about everything and ready to do battle. The first is cowering behind a wall of "niceness" so that no one knows what they are really thinking. The second is advancing with tanks and machine guns to do away with an enemy that may be as small as a beetle! Both have some personal work to do on their way of facing life; both need to find respectful, helpful ways to express the dismay and frustration and anger they are feeling.Lots of people talk and write about how to "fight fair" in relationships, so no lengthy discussion is needed here. The point I want to make is that we must free ourselves from the misconception that it is wrong for us to feel what we feel. Especially in crisis moments, we may be quite surprised at our initial response. No matter. The Holy Spirit is not there to squelch that human emotion, but to guide us, if we're willing, into fruitful resolution or into amicable disagreement.
MaryMartha
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